having young artist Miss Hazel ask me some day ago about if my real name is Shin Oderscvank made me wonder who i really am again. it's very sad when one is torn between two names. the one given by parents and the one that feels more "real" to me. something i fabricated myself that i think rightly describes what kind of person i really am. Shin Oderschvank. Shin sounds very minimalistic yet the letter-choice is quite spunky, and that describes my behaviour and aesthetic as well, i think (or my doodles at least). Oderschvank, on the other hand, is rather unfamiliar to one's boxed comprehension, thus being me too.
anyways, here's Lana Del Rey's explanation for her stage name, covering up the Lizzy Grant one. i can relate to this a lot:
"When I was younger I felt like I wasn’t the person I was supposed to become yet. I had a vision for myself that was as beautiful as I wanted the music to be. I generally don’t deny my creative impulses so that was just one of those creative impulses that I had."
now i am also confused with how to tell people exactly who i am in terms of having an actual name. most people call me Shin, but i don't know if i could live up to being Shin for this whole lifetime. after all, i was Cosmo Fiesta before, and he apparently died somewhere along college. no regrets on that, though. i'm now also worried about parts of the future when i have to-- like, say i am a known artist and i have to actually write my name. i have no which one to use. either the birth-certificate-name or the current one.
~in other news~
thanks to Hazel too for putting me in her blogroll! i didn't know what blogrolls are (i had an idea) what "blogrolls" are. but she kindly explained it. now look where i am down there! right under Miss Reese! :) i am very happy also with what she wrote.
~thank you very much~