and unsaid stuff

wow. i have put off blogging for a long time now! when was my last post? last July . . .?
i'm sorry (not sorry) for not writing anything for such a long time. i just kind of did not feel like it. i mean my heart is really eager in trying (i have like twelve drafts for a comeback entry since August) but my mind just doesn't have a single sentence to say, except probably "don't you dare pee on my pillow" which makes no sense at all. and i might also be lying rn since i tweet a lot.
another thing keeping me from posting back here is that it feels like there's so much i have to catch you up on.a couple of stuff happened. for instance we had a play, i had a new phone, etc.etc. speaking of which i now have an instagram, like every other stuck-up kid filtering their lives to the limit of cheesy almost-unreal-ness.
here is a little sighting of my *insert sparkles here*INSTAGRAM*insert even more sparkles*, as seen on a computer (which i still have not finished my thesis in. i've been struggling for more than a year now ok)
(click photos to enlarge)

yes i have been doing some shitty digital art at the moment. it's all a bit dumb and i hate myself for spending 23 of my 24 hours each day holding my phone instead of drawing/writing on paper and trying to improve myself as a person.
i am naming all these faces i draw, though! this one is called Haydn. though honestly i prefer Vladimir (another drawing) more. he is refined. i kind of think of these doodled guys as my friends since i am all alone and sad and solitary since school ended. kind of for the last time, guys. my internship as teacher will start this January. twenty-fucking-fourteen oh god.
some other stuff i should probably talk about includes;

the PLAY! our play! Medea! i played the role of guy-with-no-balls leading man Greek heartthrob named Jason! (PS i kind of blurred the faces of the people who annoy me. just a little, though. i mean, you can still figure out who they are, eh. . .? no? ok)
cast & crew. i won't mention i'm the only male (lol but didn't i just.) because i never think much of any person's gender anyway. it's irrelevant to life.
i suggested the ~Chorus` to wear/make flower crowns! i learned that much from Rookie.
+ obvsly didn't miss the opportunity to wear it. ha. also, my left eye is kind of sadder than the right. i notice it on pictures in which i am sleepy. which is always.
and this one was after the play. i look like am in a cutesy McDonalds commercial.
another thing that ~***HAPPENED***~ was the game i joined in on CTE Week. it was a crazy Hunger Games-ish kind of game which was not supposed to be violent and deadly but i made it so anyway. god i was popular! everyone was cheering for me, even the members of the four other teams! (because who doesn't like violence, eh?) it sucks cause i didn't win. and everyone was sad when i was out (because who doesn't like violent people, eh?).
Kath (rightmost pretty woman) also played the game. it's so annoying because i got out before her. and we were actually planning to win it together UGH!
for our CTE Week we also had a tree-planting day in which we (surprise!) planted trees. we went to Caliraya and it was beautiful there. some insane Moonrise Kingdom vibe was been going on! it was crazy beautiful.

also, Dylan my adorable evil angel nephew lived here at home for some time as his little christmas vacation or something. he is really cute especially when smiling. but hates it when i try to hug him. quite understandable, yes.
alright, so this is not a very cute photo. i do take lots of photos of him but he moves too much. it's all just a blur.
being possessed like WUT
and for the first day of our Sports Fest there was a parade. each class had to choose a pair who would wear some ridiculous themed costume (aka advanced halloween). it's quite sad that these are the only photos i can find at the moment;
i'm a cowboy from hell and i have no idea what i'm pointing at.
there are probably plenty other things i forgot to write, but let that be all for now. ha ha.
(this blog entry took me very long to do!)
to be honest i am not sure if i would be back to updating regularly or whatever. and to be honest i don't think anyone cares all that much, i'm not even sure there's be at least one person who would read this. but anyway!

to end this shit here's a little video of my journal/diary which i used as a substitute for this blog! :)

goodbye for now ~


and thrift store + teaching strategies

Whatsup, lambs of god? :)

i just got home right now from LB because i wanted to buy secondhand shirts from the thrift store, and that i did. my feet are still wet from the infantile flood i crawled into in the gasoline station, looking for a ride home.
i am very disappointed because the ones i really liked are too small for me. most of the shirts there were like, with jersey numbers on the back, and the school font or whatever in the front. basically the type elementary school kids wear there in America after school, for their, like, varsity extracurricular sports shit. i am not very sure, but it's probably something like that. i just really want to wear clothing with stories in it i mean i can almost feel the personalities of the boys (or girls too?) who owned those particular treasures before. besides, i've never been sportsy, so i think having such inappropriate clothing is sublimely great indeed. i think it's cool! and it will make me feel younger and adorable. ahaha.
i didn't buy this one. although last week, when i first visited that store and cried because i have no money, this was the one i really wanted to get. today i thought it was too big for me, so i didn't take it. PS please don't tell me now that this actually fits me well because i am going to regret my decisions again :'(
this is the one i got! :) i removed my pimples in this pic basically by brightening the photo to about 250 °C
what do you think?
i don't exactly promote laziness as something cute or clever, but i found this one very interesting. i didn't get to buy it too. too small. i am not exactly interested to have my nipples embossed when wearing a shirt.
there's quite a disease among us in the classroom; me and my peers; feeling old and pressured, being a student-teacher and all. some are becoming Empire Ants already, only living for matters of consequences and such.. trying to follow a strict pre-programmed schedule of how their live should go.and i would hate to be that way too.  i don't want to lose who originally Shin is. i don't want to live everyday only struggling to make ends meet and not feel alive anymore. guh. i am not even after people to think i am a mature, firm-principled guy because that is not me. even to the high school students i handle, i try to still exhale this aura of being "one-of-them", but still "above" them, cause i am smarter anyways. 
if you don't get this academic state we are going through, it goes like this; we are in Senior year now, for the first semester, (june to October), we shall be doing class observations and management (includes actual TEACHING ahhh~ <3) every morning for three hours each. some of them, especially the not-very-confident ones, try to replace their lack of knowledge with fake strictness and stuff. i think that's an intelligent approach, especially if the pupils are evil (they could really be EVIL, tbh. ask anyone.) but i believe that learning is easier and more acquire-able everyone is comfortable and just having fun. no need to be uptight, at least in my case. i am straightforward and nonchalantly hostile already. so there's no need for further shits. we are also required to finish our thesis immediately and add ridiculousy senseless projects to all that hardhip and you have an idea how are lives are now like. but not me. not much. i am idle as god here.
ha ha. i have no idea why i inserted this here. i think this photo is incredibly cute and erotic. i made a 12" x 18: painting based on this. haha. look forward to that in my tumblr!
i want to be the kind of teacher who is just "real" to students but still maintaining professionalism, and kindness, and personality. as far as i am concerned with how i want to be to kids, i will just be the teacher i always wanted to have, and avoid being all the professors i hated. and be the kind of person students wouldn't mind seeing on a daily basis.
i co-teach at a public high school a biking distance away from home (still, i don't bike. still weighing the conveniences and inconveniences of doing so) and i swear the students there are epic. that school, like, generally, is the last resort of all teenagers here in Bay, Laguna, most of those who enroll there are the ones who are poor and literally had "no other choice", so yeah. expect boys bringing drugs (and there was a dead condom on the bathroom floor!) (which i almost brought home to paste in my journal! ahahaha jk) and girls getting pregnant, with each class section having two big-bellied representatives. it's also so funny because there are many girls who has sort of the same face!
it looks kinda like this, please excuse my very wonderful MS Paint illustration. i am obviously the next Picasso.
just imagine a ponytail there on the back and skin colour which suggest too much time outside last summer.
but yeah, thing is, contrary to popular belief, the kids are ok in class. even the bad boys, i was definitely avoiding having this "better-than-you" approach to them because that may lead to me going back home with a broken leg, and hopefully they are eager to hear more from me as their teacher.
so far i am having fun with all this seemingly a game of teacher-role-playing. my methods are not proven to be effective yet. some may disagree with it but until results come up, i'm just gonna continue being an absolute "kind bishou sensei" to the students. 
hope they get to learn something. i'll be along them (three classes, same subject) until September.
meanwhile, here is the current state of my worktable, which i never work on because i do everything in my bed. ahaha.
semi-colour-coordinated chaos.
i think i have to go for now. 
goobye and thank you for reading this :) you don't rlly ever have to! ha ha.


and why any person should never be blamed for bad things done to him/her

i just want to tell about something i noticed today. it's quite horrible, so you may not want to proceed reading any further.
today the teacher discussed Republic Acts (or laws, i think. is that a synonym for it?) regarding sexual harassments and the sexual abuses, offenses, etc that occur between teachers and students. i learned there that even mere, reckless touching (a pat, if you may.) or a one-second glance with semi-narrowed  (misty)eyes if reported may lead to exaggerated  accusations against a teacher. but i am not complaining about that. i completely understand the point of it.
the lecture was followed by an activity in which we would have to make a slogan/poster to promote fight against sexual abuse or at least warn people not to do it.
i am very much annoyed with the narrow moral  perspective most of my classmates had given upon the matter.
 most of them (being young women themselves) made signs and shits telling a woman not to wear mini-skirts, avoid being/looking slutty, telling them to behave nicely, etcetera. and i think that's bullshit.
i can't believe these people (ESPECIALLY THESE WOMEN. ACTUAL WOMEN WHO ALSO ARE LIKELY TO BE VICTIMIZED SEXUALLY) attack on women's behavior regarding the disgusting actions of harassment and such. i mean why is it the fault of women that they could be mistreated/disrespected? shouldn't it be sexist perverted men who should be preached about this? doesn't everyone have the right to be respected, regardless of what they wear, do, and act?
in other words, this;
photo source
and this
this is not me, btw.
photo source.
a cruel, bastardly act committed to a woman is never be a woman's fault. if she didn't invite a lewd action verbally, then she probably doesn't want it and should never be accused of otherwise. i can't believe people at this time and age still see things that way.
it's all too fucking absurd.
i am not exactly what one would call a "feminist" (i am not even sure if any man could ever considered be "feminist") but thing is,  i know what's more proper and humanly. people should stop having these rules about what a man should be or what a woman should be because in the end, people are people regardless of whatever and being harmful to others should be avoided, as much as possible.


and lavenders~

hello, fans of the church! :) how are you all doing?
i really have put off blogging these past weeks, no? i actually find it very funny because the ultimate motivation in writing this entry was a compliment said to me a while ago. it's kind of stupid to be overly lazy about something for a period of time and only get excited with it again because of praises from others. that's the same case on my painting, too. i rarely do it anymore, tbh. i am not saying that i am compliment-hungry (like the people who post rather uninteresting Work-in-progress "artsy" shots everyday in Facebook. like ugh, why be so conceited? and fake-humble?) or whatever .it's more because of trying to focus on reading and writing these past few days. and concentrating a ~small~ fraction of my mind for school, too.

new painting inspired by feelings about what's written below! :) readreadread
well, how can i summarize this past week and the one before that?
but it's something, definitely. like yesterday, my angsty fag classmate got very mad at me because of some stupid remark i said, which was not even addressed to him (because i never talked to him anyways and doesn't give a shit about his whole existence)! he happened to take it by heart, or probably not very, too. all i know is that he hated me right from the first time we met and although there were rare times when we were "friends" ("friendship" included sending LPs of mainstream pop singers to each other), he just really hates me. that is the bottomline of it. i was also mad at him for being such an  unreasonably furious faggot and was on the verge of punching the hater out of him but i didn't want to make a scene, and i actually want to graduate and not get expelled because of some insecure shithead, so yeah. i am a peacemaker anyways. i just hope he's totally over it by Monday because i really wouldn't mind taking some action to make him calm down. i am not afraid of anyone. to be honest. and, i genuinely think there'd really be this point in which we would just have to fight to finally let go of whatever. it would be good for both of us, getting wounds and all. (but i don't want to touch him, now that i think of it. what a gross person. UGH.) he's very lucky that i didn't hit him, if you want to know the truth. it probably isn't evident but i am actually a good fighter.anyways,  this whole paragraph is bullshit.

in other news, i am now wearing the lavender uniform which is for Senior students! i only have one as of now and mum kindly laundries it every night and i have to kindly smile at people who mockingly call me "Professor" although it's not even a witty thing to say anymore. like, whatever. just leave me alone already.
i had to put a 2D mask on my classmates' faces because i don't think they want to be seen in my blog anyways.
and then i removed the masks to unveil Claud's pretty face and Bona's comedic face lol jk Bona is a funny closet-slut, tbh.
so um what do you think of me in this uniform? do you think young-achiever beau Professor Shin Oderschvank is worth the love of  teen, post-pubescent talcum-scented darling high school gurls now? <3 <3 <3 ayayay.
well not to brag or anything, but the Junior college class i have handled now call me their "favourite" and like me as their teacher. because the whole lecture-time becomes a little free-for-all storytime whatsoever. however, one student LOATHED me like fuck, because, i am "offensive" at some point (that point = always) and it actually made me feel bad last weekend. but i realize now it's still ok. at least it isn't me hating on myself like usual. what an improvement!

this is the book i am reading lately. biography of Sylvia Plath, it is the first time i used  pencil to underline parts i find interesting,  and add my own footnotes. some people would go against that but idk, i feel like an intelligent comprehensive reader, writing little notes! *u*
here's how i look like tonight. loljk. that's Rod Serling. creator and main author, narrator, sexy introductor of The Twilight Zone, more known to me as the best TV show ever.
there have been many seasons (and terrible post-70s remakes) but the original episodes can be found on vimeo. i wish i could tell what's it about but it's all just crazy and psycho-horrific and there's a different theme/plot in each episode, with its own respective heartbreaking twists in the end. some of my favourites are;
Eye of the Beholder
Monsters are Due on Maple Street
Walking Distance
the pilot episode:: Where Is Everybody
basically Rod Serling is my new style icon in terms of creativity in writing and overall sex appeal.
random filler. just if you're wondering if i still draw! :D
back to a school news, there are some koreans sent to our school for an English-language-learning course, we as the English majors have met them and i got to be friends with some. especially a very pretty 24-year-old! who looks twelve! who looks even cuter when smiling! ohmygod i'm blushing! i will write about her that stuff, when we get to have a picture together.

for now, that's all.

PS it's the birthday of someone special.


and some matters about the "self".

as i have said before, i am very much keeping certain matters to myself that would probably make me feel lighter if i  let out here. but i feel it is now isn't the time for it yet. it may always seem like i am the kind of person who wants to let out my miseries to everyone but that is not exactly how it works. my twitter is a place for both arbitrary and constant feelings wailing to be addressed, but still, i don't want (me and anyone-) to think that i am a reckless driver of words i itch to scream off. i acknowledge the fine line between the act of expressing emotions for one's own comfort and the consideration of the reader's consumption of the thoughts of people they follow or befriend online.

i might carelessly talk about the things that bother me (there's not a great number of it anyways) some time soon, when i do not cling to the concept of psychic distance during these blogging-times. i sometimes feel drained too, as though i have no more water inside me to pour out. in front of my diary i could be a faucet twisted open to its limit, with no liquids coming out, just making strange sounds from echoes of pipes as its intestines. maybe its because i am a person of many ways to let out steam. i have three notebooks for my thoughts and ramblings, i have a scratch/trash-doodle pad, i have twitter, a facebook (where i usually post a long rant only to delete it after twenty seconds), this blog, and of course, there's painting..

being a rather unintelligent semi-creative diarist, i may appear to another person as an egoistic scum who thinks too much of one's self. maybe most of the time i really am that. but not always. not often. i like to think of my (inner) self as a garden, where i plant in only the nicest and wildest flowers i have, and i put the others out on a different yard (my notebooks). although i write my best flowers there, too. (this is actually tricky to explain)

i have this new tumblr blog where i post writings; short stories, etc. (which i won't link in here but would tell you the URL if you ask). i have shown it to a couple of friends, but i would much prefer if strangers read it and tell me their comments/opinions. it's just so annoying because people who know me read my shit and think only of my works as overly dramatic rants/diary entries that shouldn't be taken seriously. they don't see my attempts of writing styles and drama of it. they're just like; "wow, you're still very bitter about that." and when they're like that i feel very much obliged to punch them in the face. 


and his being one of the most unreliable bloggers on the planet.

the latter paragraphs of my previous blog entry was stupid because i said (hereby i quote;) 
"one thing i can talk about however is this little set of images i am gonna have for print this Thursday. it's all for my notebooks & journal. i did this instead of my massive pile of stupid homeworks and with brave ignorance of my growing collection of thesis-related MS Word documents."
so i said this ^ though i have actually forgot to post the image i meant to put up with it! lol i am an idiot.
it's this;
i want to use this to decorate the cover of my notebook in Creative Writing (as seen Here) but that particular notebook is passed on to the teacher's office, so i can't. my cover-designing life is SO exciting because  we had to buy this Field Study handbook and the teacher says we can make stuff for it's cover too! hurrah hurrah hurrah. the gods of collage are blessing me~
but regarding blog-matters i am in reality somehow miserable because i just discovered terrible typo errors in my old entries. my heart just breaks too badly when i notice them at a time when they already got more than three views (my maximum number of views, tbh. god i'm so popular ha ha)

meanwhile, here is a DOWNLOAD LINK to ADHD Magazine's fourth issue (themed; The Kids Know) where i am featured! click this, baby <3

last night i thought of how there are many going-pns in my life that i never get to write here. i have two reasons why it's so;
1) i don't want to tell everything.
like yeah, this surely is my online diary whatevs but i still want to keep some facts of my life to life itself, i mean, i don't want to be this kind of person whose blog everyone reads and will eventually learn everything about me from. some huge parts of my personality and daily behaviour/occurances are never described here. or not even in my handheld journal or anywhere. for instance my wild, reckless, uneducated approach to my teachers in which i interrupt them in midsentence to tell my jokes and  do this unrequited role-play dramas where i call them "mum" or "Lemuel" (my prof's actual name! ha ha) and say weird TV-cliche shit. also, i am student-teaching now and it's just really crazy and meta and i can't discipline my mouth half the time. such things (and others) are rather difficult to describe, so i leave them out of the drawn picture.
2) it's hard to write decently.
it is. being an English-major, the pressure of being coherent, cohesive, grammatically formal, etc, sometimes never leaves and it's jsut super-annoying. that's why if i want to do a little narrative of stuffthathappened i would rather do it by bullet-enumerations.

today (June 23) i went out in the afternoon (mainly for the sake of going out itself) and went to LB (it's a place) to buy a notebook because i am reading Pnin by Vladimir Nabokov and wanted to take down notes. i also want to look for underwear of this colour (is it turquoise or cyan? or aqua blue?) and buy dozens but i immediately forgot about it because i saw a pre-owned (pre-destroyed is more like it! ugh) copy of a biography of Sylvia Plath. and being my always oor apathetic self, i barely had any cash for more than one piece of desire.
book cover! i wish i have a tangible book isntead of a pathetic little ebook in my mobile :(
i kinda wish somebody would give me the briefs ofthat kind of shade, though. although it's quite embarrassing to receive such a present since giving presents of the clothing-category is more often than not followed by a "please wear it now! i want to see if it looks good on you!" --and i am not exactly looking forward to that. but still . . . idk. i want to hoarde neat and personal hygiene-related stuff because i might move out for a while from our house soon. i am not planning to run away, not this time, but there are reasons why i am likely to go. i can't tell about that yet either. ugh nevermind me.
no i am NOT fat. my jaws are just not well-crafted and tends to look like slime in this particular angle.


and ADHD!

✻ H E L L O ! ✻ ~
my name is Shin Oderschvank.
i am both feeling great and bad at the moment.

but that is not particularly the purpose of this entry.

i just wanted to show off some little achievement i have got in my pocket this month. yours truly was featured in ADHD magazine's latest issue! *insert mandatory audience clap* i swear i loved that digital mag since. and then one time Mavy Dolly suggested me to email to them some of my works and then later i heard from them and they sent me some questions (interview!) :) it's really fun and the feeling of seeing my work in their publication is sort of--uhh--idk. i actually cringed a little because i thought my works didn't look very nicely on layouts (aaahhhh. my fault. entirely.) but it was fine. the feeling of being there is overwhelming enough. i hope nobody hated me being the first article in the issue! :[]
PS; you are wrong. although i am always thought of having more than one certain mental and behavioural diseases, this magazine is not about that. it is if anything probably more of ADHD in terms of aesthetic shits, etc. or probably it's all about the HD-ness of it being a digitally released quarterly. i don't really know. i should have asked!
PSS; i am now about to post more pictures from the publication. if you didn't hear from me in three days' time chances are i am in jail because of screencapping their issue, sitting idly beside seminarian molesters, nuns with guns, etcetera.
PSSS; there are other pages of my feature that is not included here. i'm trying to lessen the chances of getting into jail here.

i might post the actual texts of the interview some time later. perhaps once they release a downloadable version in their Facebook page. but why wait and be lazy? YOU CAN READ THE MAGAZINE in it's glorious entirety RIGHT NOW. BY CLICKING THIS VIOLENTLY CAPSLOCKED SENTENCE. i swear the other features are fun too. and the past issues (i wish they make hard copies aaah i love hard copies (wut)).


in other news, it had been raining for some while now. summer has quite ended (for this week. the weather is mad anyways) and it is flood season already. i just get really scared whenever it rains strongly because our town's humble little chocolate river might fill up and extend it's waterly surfaces to the streets of town and if wild enough, to our household.

also i have not been painting for a long while now. like , since one week before school started, i think. i don't know. i just want to give it a rest for some time and get back at it when my heart is ready once more (wtf am i saying).
there are some matters i somehow look forward to, but i can't talk about them yet.
one thing i can talk about however is this little set of images i am gonna have for print this Thursday. it's all for my notebooks & journal. i did this instead of my massive pile of stupid homeworks and with brave ignorance of my growing collection of thesis-related MS Word documents.
life is too much fun to spend worrying, my friends. idk.


and psychic distance

let me tell you first about one of the preciously insignificant bits of knowledge i have learned from the past two weeks in class. this thing about writing (applies to other life matters too) called The Psychic Distance.
it is some sort of concept or element that is good to take note of when doing creative non-fiction, telling a story, writing a letter, and expressing feelings.

an example is this; say, a girl calls her bestfriend to talk about an encounter with her crush;
sample A (without PD) :: "hello, besty-friendy! ohmygod you wouldnt believe what happened! ashphsshhhdfgspssdsgghh !!!! he was so fcking arcdhbwjaeoou and i was like; arrdssshpffsdshhhd ohmygod gurl i swear it was like, sdadsdfdawedew!!!"
sample B (with PD) :: "hello, Gracia! you wouldn't believe what happened today! i was walking in the corridor, and my crush was there at the corner, looking at me! he had a knife in his hand and there was a resentful look on his face! i was so touched! i hope we meet again! ok i have to go now, see you!"

can you see it now? it's a wonderful thing, isn't it?
according to an online dictionary, Psychic Distance is;
the degree of emotional detachment maintained toward a person, group of people, event, etc.

psychic distance is applied when you are telling something whose emotional and trivial aspects are somehow different to what you have at the moment. when you talk about an embarrassing experience, if, say, it happened just a couple of minutes ago, chances are you'll be discussing it with a friend whilst blushing and giggling and acting all stupid and cutesy. but when you talk about it like, after a week or month or day of psychological separation (or "Psychic Distance"), you'll be able to narrate the embarrassing account on a more comprehensive way. you can control the tones, embellish the tale's atmosphere, and give the listener a convenient story to ponder upon/react to.


now, proceeding to my diary-entry here in boxuniverse (don't expect anything.),
i will do a little dropdown bullet-ed list of somehow  important matters that occurred this week.
* i have found one notable angel among the miserable army of frog-faced freshmen in our college department
* teacher says a couple of students shall be practice-teaching in University of Makati, the dorm-y housing is already provided. i am excited (want to be part of it)
* we have a subject called Creative Writing. i was very disappointed at this at first because the teacher literally didn't know what she's supposed to do. luckily she was replaced by a less dumb one. we were asked to make an anecdote/narrative last Tuesday and the teacher accused me of too much" meta-discourse" (i had to Google it! wtf) and exaggerated usage of flowery words (i was doing ikebana shit! lol), etc. regardless, i am still better than most of us. at least i was trying to hit the "Creative". some didn't even come close to "writing".
(* Metadiscourse is a term that is used in philosophy to denote a discussion about a discussion (and so on), as opposed to a simple discussion about a given topic.
The term metadiscourse is also used in writing to describe a word or phrase that comments on what is in the sentence, usually as an introductory adverbial clause. It is any phrase that is included within a clause or sentence that goes beyond the subject itself, often to examine the purpose of the sentence or a response from the author. Metadiscourse includes phrases such as "frankly," "after all," "on the other hand," "to our surprise," and so on. -- Wikipedia.)
* i am so torn between liking and hating school.
* i am so torn between liking and hating my haircut. (i realize earlier this afternoon it quite looks like my friend's daddy's haircut. suddenly i think it's cool.)
* i am totally keeping this smug i-hate-you-all look on my face whenever on hallways, corridors, grounds, etc. it is important for people to know who to not mess up with;
* my notebook in Creative Writing. i designed this just a while ago;

* i have read Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex. it is a genius book by a genius novelist.
* i saw American Beauty. it is a perfect film. the ending sequence (and sudden Beatle music!) struck my heart right to its core.
* "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." -- Lester. protagonist of American Beauty.
i really thought i am gonna write lots of things now but my mind is currently an empty hard drive. (and i should do my thesis! fuck.)
goodbye now.


and This Is England

so this appreciation screencap-inspiration post should have appeared sooner. but i had been too busy contemplating suicide these past days that i totally forgot about it. also, i've been totally into Sherlock (the BBC series) and is currently going through the overly heartfelt pains of yearning for the 3rd season.

This Is England is a very good movie. visually and morally. the characters are real, you can totally love or hate them and you'll still find it all okay in the end. it does not pretend to go deepshit or whatever. maybe this could be placed on the coming-of-age genre.
i liked the clothing and cinematography very much.
my feelings, especially when on a hint of admiration, is always difficult to write about, so nevermind me and look at these low-quality (idk why. is saved them properly. as a GIF.) screencaps i took.
note that these do not go accordingly to the sequence of scenes in the film.

look at all those colour schemes! and the juxtaposition!
goddamnit i wish i have their clothes! and the accent.
i almost forgot to say, but their nicknames were also very interesting! Lol, Milky, Tubs, Smells, Combo, Cynth, etc. cool, right? it somehow made the plot premise more interesting.

i swear This Is England is a bittersweet feel-good feel-bad sociorealist neighbourly eye-candy movie. it's good.