and i can't think of an appropriate journal entry title

handwritten post because i vomitted at the keyboard.
i want to be able to rant with grace and demure tact but why, no, i am an idiot. doomed to live a few more years.


and causes of purity

unfortunately, i am ten years late from howi should have been enjoying in life then. i am totally addicted to Pokemon (Blue Version! Generation One! Wahh!) and i swear the feeling of being owned by one's own possession is eating me right now. it is so weird. i ask myself why i'm doing this and when i think it i am like: "meh. just a game. blah blah. i can totally forget this immediately." but Shin have realized with upsetting mirth that that is not particularly how this goes. my life is totally haunted by questions of which city i should go to next and how i can get a Jigglypuff because it is so cute and that is all i am craving for.
all my plans of finishing projects have been set aside, because, after all, you only live once.
besides this, i do not have anything else to say. there's some attempts to start another World War in my forehead right now; me against pimples, but i swear i am trying my best to win this. without much win, sadly, since there are microscopic volcanoes setting up everywhere in me now. my skin is really an epic tragedy. probably because of dust-filled room that never ever gets clean because dirt eats out all things beyond superhuman reach. this life i live is horribly inconvenient.
i've attached tothis pose sometimes last night and saying "waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh" as painedly and slowly as i could because idk i am so miserable. you have no idea.


and Kath's burpday

hello everyone. i am now going to dump in something that should have been here in my great rubabge of a blog from last Thursday. it was my friend Kath's 22nd birthday, hence, the beautiful cake i did.
i should really start being a recycled cake decorator. look how mismatched everything is. i did not even get her age right. (intentionally) all this painfully feminine props are old to-throw-away designs from other cakes. which results to it being a new-born-grandma-queen-Hello Kitty masterpiecce, i am fantastic.
(note: the extra sticker artworks found in photos below are either done by Yoshitomo Nara (the cartoony ones), Allison Harvard (alienic girls), or me (wow, sounds good being in line with those two. oh glorious).
this is Kath. pretty and divine. mother of one enigmatic boy. 
omg i'm such a Pokemon. it looks like she's surprised by my appearance here, but that was not how it went. i love what she's wearing. wicked Boston-Celtics-green hoodie.
haha! my reaction is so funny! Pauline made sure i won't run out from the viewfinder (see: her handgrip). i had to cover one face because i don't like him and he hates me and surely he won't find it nice to be in my journal.
Dory and a Weedle.
one of the main reasons why i failed to fully enjoy myself was the gigantic scratch at the center of my nose. so i was just quiet and with 0% self-esteem all throughout the day. pathetic.


and shrine

hello, my name is Shin. i like drawing and reading and being funny for people who are actually willing to laugh at my strange deeds.
today i had to print two sheets of paper with some really cool photographs. those pictures are to be sent to my friend. it is some sort of a picture-playlist i may post some day. perhaps i might show it here then, after she receives it.
i had a traumatizingly awkward experience this afternoon that involves past love and a frog-faced teacher that i wouldn't mind sharing but find difficult to describe right now. maybe i will attain the right words to narrate it in detail later tonight or never. it's all good either way.
my mind is a bit blank and pained right now. the sole purpose of this journal entry anyways is to post a photo of my moodboard and a doodle:
that'z Lana Del Rey in ya face. boom.
figurative representation of my classmates being all confused and worried in how to actually work things out. school is killing us all.


and mail!

hi. this is going to be quick.
today i went to the post office before going to school to fetch a package my friend has sent for me from last January. i was nervous because it might be not there and if it wasn't, i will be very upset. luckily, it was there. so i was glad.
i also learned that i should not have been excited to open it at school wherein some were really eager to see what it contained and was seemingly more excited than i. i understand that they might have not ever received a real, tangible mail and it might have been something of a strange vista for them. however, one should respect another's privacies. you can't just grab something out of someone because you are curious or whatever. especially if it includes the threat of the object itself being torn into two or more pieces. i really hate having to fight for something that's already in my hands. something that is actually M*I*N*E.  it was my property, for fuck's sake. another factor here is that when some people think they are really "friends" with you already, everything is okay. insults, accusations, etc. but for me that is not how it works.
unfortunately i am still unable to confront people about shit like that. idk.
ha! wtf! somebody took a photo of me (in my phone! what!)  while checking out this cute bible-like notebook from E! who and why and how? idk.
leftmost: the book i am currently reading. Youth In Revolt by C.D. Payne, i actually feel miserable reading this. the book is supposed to tell about a very unlucky teenager with incredibly painful adversities, like, he is probably meant as the epitome of teenage bad luck, the thing is, fuck this shit, i am more unfortunate than him! wah! means i am really pathetic. stab me now.
middle: ah~ this book! short stories by Haruki Murakami! thank you very much, E! she's very sweet. i wanted this book badly (it was her fault anyways!) (jk) and she bought it for me. <3 i give you my heart, darling.
rightmost: this bible is from her too. ha ha. no, this is a small notebook that is moleskine-like but pretty small for any illustration except ant-sized figure models of ants. no, it is actually lovely. i am just really intimidated because this looks like a convenient recoed book of Satan's "naughty" list and i don't know enough naughty people to write about!
ok, goodbye now, folk (i imagine having only one blog reader, so "folk") !!!
please proceed with your life now whilst i face the miseries of having to do magnitudes of project that are not likely to help me become a better person in the first place!
plot twist: i won't do any of these projects cause i am born to die anyways.


and women of power

the album Machine Dreams is eating me alive and it's the best experience ever. i like the idea of being eaten. being digested. being swallowed and churn. although the kind of mastication i feel with this LP's music is different and it is more of a psychedelic thing, i am just really glad. thank you, Little Dragon.
today i drew two women and i am  happy with the results.
Irresponsible Mother (Queen)
Elegant Blood
photo 1: when i first knew about my friend Eda, i figured her mum should be something like this. royal and firm and extremely beautiful. with chin up high and condescending glances. however, i am wrong. her mum  is still a beautiful woman, though. in a Nobuyoshi Araki-photograph kind of way.
photo 2: my idea of a lame but elegant woman. the type of wife whose husband hurts her and then fucks around with other women and then she ends up having a paramour herself. i have some weird sentimentality for women who have adulterers for husbands. if you'd kindly look at her right shoulders, you'll see this miserable rip i semi-accidentally caused. sorry, milady.


and Thursday

hi. today is Thursday.
my plans was basically to stay at home, read, and answer our Field Study Workbook. i only accomplished the middle task. i had to leave home because my brother and some of his friends had this disgusting valentines dinner in our house and it is especially annoying. i kind of see his girlfriend as a slut, which is not a very nice thing but i am not  exactly scolding myself for so. he acts all cool with his "friends" but in reality he is just a pathetic idiot. gross and irresponsible.
happy hearts' day!
i am very proud of that drawing above although my coloring skills (digital or not) is pitiful. i think i have actually thought of a "healthy" message there.
this is that time of the year when motels are notably fully booked and flower shops are glad! how did you spend your day? were you out with a special person? animal? or were you like my bestfriend who was angry all day long? either way, try your best to be at least, um, thankful. i am not saying you are "blessed" and "special" or "still lucky", but come on, at least you are not supposed to spend your life with a miserable research project like me! (if you are, though, text me and we can commit suicide together. hotline +63912-802-6968)
i would like to have a short poll about the significance of valentines' day to your lives, but then again people who read my blog are sweetly uncooperative always, so yeah.
i went to my sister's cake shop today. it smelled of roses and--um--cakes. i felt good there until my phone went out of power and the WiFi have gone useless.
the ungraspables
this photograph was taken after our handling of elementary students. it was particularly stressful and the kids were behaving as though they were raised in a jungle. the place had lots of trees and civilization really isn't the "thing" there, i may assume. my friends (see: above) are such beautiful ladies. i usually blur or hide the faces of people who appear with me in pictures, but i think we (WE. including me) have got nice smiles here. i love them. although not much the leftmost girl. Erlyn is a bitch. ha ha.
^some sight i saw today. wow. just. wow.


and Gasp!

me with Gasp. she is actually a bald woman whose face is dimsum-shaped. jk. she's chewing something. i said, "don't smile. act natural." whatevs.
today after hosting the final student-seminar held in class (classmate says i am 'handsome' in light pink long sleeves. yay thanks.) i had to go home immediately for my colds were really overwhelming. nasal phlegm was literally dripping all over my nose and i could hardly breathe and my eyes were tearing up and the foremost reason of all is that my handkerchief had no more space for my 90 nose-wipes per minute so there. i had to leave. to be honest i have no idea how my skinny self could have contained such a huge amount of cold fluids.
i slept and everything was better when i woke up (bed hair. congrats). i left away with my friend Gasp, there was this non-urgent need to buy pen ink refills and we had to hang out and eat cheap shit together, thank you very much.
there was this pre-motion picture release copy of  the book Youth In Revolt (novel. i forgot the author's name) in a bookstore and i took it, of course. the film with Michael Cera in it was likeable and it entertained me. although the dvd copy i have had is pirated and everything is pixelated. superb low quality. hoo-hah. more books. less time for mandatory stuff that must be done. i don't know, man, it's like destiny is such a hater of Shin and my path to thesis-accomplishment is obstacled by good books i crave to read along the way.
wow. it is actually the annual day of hearts and hormonally-effective partners tomorrow. i am bit disappointed with how things have gone (and are going) but i don't want to complain anymore. there are many other more important stuff i should glue my mind into.
by the way, when i got home, apparently i forgot to switch off the water faucet i used for drinking anti-colds/illness medicine. so the house had become a swimming pool. everyone hates me now. no problemo.


and Kras, books, and sundae cone.

some strange magic braiding Kras did to my hair. you don't see it, but the bangs area had curlers in it courtesy of classmate Eimee. i think being around procrastinators has finally done some chaos to everyone in my class's mental systems. they are all beasts, these girls.
i am totally attracted to Kras's venus flytrap-ish lashes. it's actually sharper and rises above her face's surface more than her nose! (she has a very very small nose)

she always tries to be kawaii in photographs too. i don't know, i think she's quite a failure in that. look at me tho! Shin is a hideous stag.
after school i went to buy ink refills to the mall, but (with some usual twist fo fate) i went to the bookstore first and got to buy these books (see photo above) ! what the hell! i just finished Hannibal by Thomas Harris this morning and  now i found a copy of Red Dragon! this one's, like, the first book and Hannibal is #3. the second one among this Hannibal Lecter trilogy is The Silence Of The Lambs (i love saying it. such a fantastic phrase). The Silence Of The Lambs The Silence Of The Lambs The Silence Of The Lambs The Silence Of The Laaaaaaambsssss. the conclusion of this paragraph, then, is that i lost the idea of buying ink refills in mind. haha. dumbo.

anyways, i forgot to say, but it was very funny during the afternoon because Alm and her friends were having this conversation about what a transgender's vagina may look like and how the surgery is done. ha ha. it was lamely hilarious. Alm also bought a sundae cone for me and friends. really, she's a sneaky bitch sometimes but she's actually a lovely sweet person. <3
also, i finally decided to take my thesis seriously. although that waas before all those books, so idk. stab me.
apparently Jose Rizal, more often than not, had to  stay in hotels all around Europe with some men. usually Dr Maximo Viola, but i prefer shipping him with Dr. Blumentritt who already has a family. i like to imagine them two being sweet secret lovers because at first, Blumentritt was just a fan of the Philippines' National Hero's book and he sent him a letter and Rizal replied and they have become friends that way. (i know, you don't get it. you don't have to.)


and "lazy porn" Slumber Dreams (fashion ed.)

hello! these are the photographed by Paolo Crodua i had drawings on. =)

the story angle we have thought of (me along with toxicdiscoboy) for the doodles is some silly complicated love affair between to boys. and somehow the loneliness made them get these strange sightings. cutesy monsters and abstract inkshit. "lazy porn" was the rot phrase.
there are actually a copule more pictures, but i didn't feel like uploading them all. and these are basically just reposted from Sir Paolo's Facebook anyways. hehe
this is printed in F Magazine Cambodia (February 2013)


and SPIP (School Project In Progress)

this afternoon i really had to use all my motivational efforts to get out of the chair and turn off this laptop and start working on my school projects. luckily, Shin had succeeded. i am now three-quarters finished in our class's Graphic Organizers in our Instructional Materials subject. it was the same academic (huh.) area in which we did a bulletin board. by the way, that particular piece of (hard)work presenting bunny-headed people in summertime (April was the board's designated month) is now a grand falldown of afterapocalypse chaos. literally. some campus officers hung it in a place where rain literally shattered and poured and raped it so grandiously that nothing was left but melted papers and dreams. thank you very much. i can never recover from that. the only way i sometimes get to cope up with the tragedy of it is temporarily forgetting it. it is really sad.
anyways, here is what i have accomplished. so far:
left: sidebars for the four sheets. we had to do one Graphic Organizer for each high school year leve.
right: a diagram, basically. hair diagram. i love what i have thought of.  i'm just worried about how the dumb student-teacher reacts to this.
this is supposed to be the basic Fish Diagram, but in manner of me trying to be spontaneous, i made it a mermaid half-skeleton diagram instead. the problem, again, is how the narrow-minded person who would have to grade this thing would take it (Shin is pretty condescending sometimes). why, i am supposed to be a fine arts student, no! mum! this is your fault. 
two boys would have to be treated and judged objectively so students' skills in using comparative adjectives shall be enhanced. i regretted this afterwards because it's like i encourage people to stereotype others but hopefully it won't work out that way. and, this is only a sample anyways. 
while working on these stuff i suddenly remembered why i had been willing to become a teacher. it is because i will be really free in terms of making things from my imagination that others may particularly enjoy. i may not be called an Artist once i graduate (that is not my goal anyway) (i mean, to be an "aHrtist~") but at least i will have opportunities to create and have a little audience and give them a little help. i hope things go on well for everyone.


and ah~ what am i doing now -_-

let us celebrate my ethereal procrastination by using lots of emoticons (^o^) !!!
and random crap (u_u*)
this is Erlyn's fault and my annoyance over own uncut hair.. i know this is weird. fuck off now.
Ju-On has always been my favourite least favourite.
Strong Machine 2. my high school style icon. (watch)
Natalia Kills - Controversy (watch)

lovely Kath is lovely all the time
classmates aren't necessarily friends
i think i have plenty of thoughts that could be written but let me settle with the easiest story i may come up with; yesterday i had a heavy headache. like, it was totally out-of-control and literally bringing me down and i always felt vomit-ish. the only suspect i can accuse against this is the exam-marathon we have had. exams really are terrible. especially if you are not the review-ish type. totally have to rack my whole brain for stuff that had never been there in the first place. my memory is actually very bad. i only know things like, say, what my friend Hillary wore five years ago and where she sat on the first day of high shool. why i remember that, and not Jose Rizal's circle of doctor friends in Germany (test material), i have no idea. the brain is a very funny thing.
so when i got home (it is simply out of rare luck that i did) i got into bed immediately and whined and twisted and wriggled in and out of limbo. it was an absolute hell. then mum gave me medicine and i listened to Weightless by Marconi Union on repeat and it did really calm me down and got me sedated for a while.
i slept and then woke up at three. i thought it was five already. and then blah blah mor-nights are really different when you have slept already compared to when you've just been up all along. it's a bore-purgatory during insomniac nights but a slight, silent cemetery party of peace and fun when there have been at least a couple of hours spent in slumber.
i know, those paragraphs are difficult. srry.