and Laurels

hello again.
this means  nothing. just wanted to flaunt my legs. lol. ha ha. (note: pimples are edited out.)
my name is Shin. and everything i say and do is misunderstood.
work-in-progress (?)
my hands have again landed on the big, fat, watercolour pad whose every painting i try to do ends up a regret bigger than the paper size (12" x 16") because i overthink and get defeated by the  pressure of it being too precious to be messed upon. this drawing (i only took a snapshot of the breast part because this is the only area i liked) began the evening before yesterday and i was a little bit disappointed. the mouth (not that mouth, but the actual mouth in the actual face) was supposed to look like a labia but i realized i had no accurate idea how that looks like so it just looked terrible. the eyes were a failure too. there were many edits and added layers done tonight. still i am not confident with the whole image.
Santo Prucci
as much as being inferior to everyone who also draws is a little too sad, i think painting/drawing makes me happy the way no other activity does (i mean this is my substitute to doing deathly school projects; might as well enjoy it. ha ha). just watching watercolours move around paper and mix in shades by itself feels ethereal. thank you, whoever godly spirit there is out there who guides me through these things.

and literary feature

the school's newspaper publication is finally out today.
i can be seen there as some kind of a literary featured artist or something like that, i don't know exactly what it's called.

the editor-in-chief liked some illustrations in my portfolio  and included them, along with some poetry i submitted. i originally wanted to be an illustrator for the book-like literary folio they also publish, but idk. they already have a cartoonist. i really wanted to contribute since the cliche world-in-hand and emo-boy-alone-in-a-corner poem interpretations make me a little upset when i see them. now i wonder if some others i submitted will actually get in the folio or if this is the end of my "contribution" to the school.
although it does not appear in my writing here, i am very happy and appreciative of it all. i mean it's a whole, large page entirely filled with my crap (read: IT IS ALSO EMBARRASSING.) and i am glad this happened to my life.
i expected the page to be coloured (school paper staff/classmate told me it will be) and surely it would have looked better that way. some lines in the poems are a bit different from how i originally wrote them, too. and, i wrote a very special tell-all about-me mini essay to accompany this (i said sex and lust is very inspiring for art. brutally confessional stuff like that) which did not appear in the page at all.
i am not complaining, tho.

Shin is very grateful and hopes he'll be featured in other awesomesauce things someday. when he gets better at what he does.


and fails

i swear, my life would have been better if Facebook didn't exist.
but it's too late now. everyone today pretends to be alright and then goes home, logs in the internet, and complains how they had to pretend to smile tho they aren't fine. I AM ONE OF YOU GUYS. \
all in all i have read so much status updates and posted a lot to save myself from self-induced frustration. in social affairs, whether online or actual, the only aftermath is either you hate yourself or love yourself. the latter is masochistic tomfoolery. saying "i don't care" is a thousand times easier than doing so. congratulations.
however, i am not in to talk about sorrows. i am to talk about ***da-daaaaaa~~~*** random crap.

^school project. my partner is Pau.
in a subject called "Instructional Materials" we decided to make props for a--uhh--it's a bit difficult to explain, but the game is, by groups, students are to make a short role-play skit and use these vocabulary words in the script. and then the other kids (audience) are going to guess the meaning of the "rare" words based on context clues-shit.

i also got to write two short stories! because! nobody's talking to me! and! i'm talking to nobody!
i want to share them and save it here but i don't feel like typing at all. maybe i'll think of doing so some day in the future.

^minimalist! hah.

^ that fantastic hell of a book, National Gallery London, has been haunting me since i first saw it. there are plenty of paintings inside. i hope this helps me get out of my being out-of-shell-way-too-much and it's just overwhelmingly beautiful. look at that cover. tell me no and you're gonna be punched. Sleepers is something i have to view in Goodreads before actually buying it. the reviews are good. also i am planning to post a rundown of my short, unreliable reviews for a while now, but not yet.

please tell me some ways on how to not sound too self-centered. i practice not having to use "i" and "me" and "mine" often. there must be a way.

but then again, there's this song.


and trash bin

i don't know where to put these drawings.

there is a heavy burden i am supposed to face but i am lazy. i know i have to work on my thesis but i am procrastinating. although it affects me emotionally and it is always as though i am walking with a rubik's cube between my lungs.


and SH i Rt : a memory

(a little afterword:
in grammar class our teacher made us write a one-paragraph-only narrative. of any topic we desire. however i was absent when he gave those instructions (it was today's homework) and i am sad because i have not prepared anything. so tonight i tried my hands back at writing. with loads of positive inspiration from Gone Postal. this, however, has more than one paragraph.)
(it is based on a true story, unfortunately)

now if you have not read that "drawing" above yet, please listen to this video while doing so. it is rather optional. do whatev you want. have a great day.


and the Prima-Daniels.

i did not really intend to ever post that first photo below, but Kath's photobombing is too precious to keep to myself, so there goes. this photo with that particular pose is supposed to help me with studying angles of faces and the jaw when painting. now since i thought of posting it, i should also edit the rock-like texture of my face and the eyes and everything. sorry, team.
still have not had haircut. i told you i won't obey people who tell me to do so. but yeah i shaved last night. 
i realize today that it's been a trend among us male kids of our class to have thick hair and light mustache. it's really nice, i think. to see other guys not conscious with their looks too.

 i mean most people think it's just girls who are narcissistic and spend too much time in the mirror, but, surprise, most often i don't get to see my reflection in the school toilet rooms because these uniformed dudes are quite too busy fixing their hair, you know, adding gels and wax, talcum powder, etc.
 it is rather pitiful how they act all friendly and dude-we're-so-badass to each other when in reality they hate each other well with the fear of having a less long penis and competition among attention of these equally vain women, who are too busy with the volume of lipstick they apply to actually notice malekind's attempts to be loved.

not me, unfortunately =(

and an artly update

this is my interpretation of Bubba-Joan from the novel Invisible Monsters by oh-so-awesome Chuck Palahaniuk.. the  protagonist there had the lower regions of her face blasted during a car accident (not really. it's up to you to figure out!) she was a celebrity/model, and after that particular jaw-wrecking incident she seemingly just vanished from TV screens. i love how the story was narrated. it is a fantastic read. 
"After My Own Storm"
a portrait for a friend named Santi Obcena. his name might sound familiar since he's fashion collections appear in runways during Philippine Fashion Week. *u* ! awesome dude, yeah.
art projects coming up: portrait for friend Pauline who's gonna celebrate her 19th birthday soon! i'm a bit down on drawing for her since she's not really appreciative of art. i mean i showed her a photo of Allison Harvard once and she was like: "that ain't beautiful!". so yeah.. you get the idea. she's got not a very tasty taste.
-i have another project with someone but i don't want to write about it yet! ^o^


and our stupid society

i usually despise cliche cutie-monsters like this. but the colours are nice.
 earlier in school today i was constantly getting this weird, cockroachy odor as though somebody's wearing a pair of pants unwashed for weeks. i had a suspicion that it was mine. however, now that i am home, i smelled my pants and i realize this is not it. i even had to get away from everyone so they won't hate me for that.

another reason to hide away from humanity was their absolute disapproval for how i look. Shin is rather unshaved with a seemingly two-month old facial hair (cheeks too) and my hair has grown quite thickly it's almost like a cap. the strange thing, contrary to everyone's "you seem to not have taken a bath" or "you need haircut" dumb comments, i feel great with this! not having to worry about dying airplanes landing in my forehead is rather refreshing. and, i am mentally more secured now. as though i am a bottle of coke and my hair is the cap that seals all the carbon (thoughts) in. so yeah, society, how about you fuck off with your cheap ideas of what 'handsome' is and let good ol' hermit Shin get by with himself? (armed with books and blemishes) hah.

 i realize today that i am actually nice, after all; when i see other people looking ugly (aka All The Time) i don't mention it at all; i make sure sometimes not to offend my friends with random thought-commentaries like that , meanwhile, when it's them looking at me, my, how insensitive and brutal humans could be! 
(i mean u, Erlyn. fuk u. you look like a Slovakian housewife) .


and the truth + Nara-ism

ah~ the glorious shames of reality.
i am really disappointed with the whole community whenever someone from the internet says i am cute or i look "young" and stuff like that. because i am not.
like everyone, i am very selective with the photographs i choose to upload, so yeah. one should take note of the fact that all things you see online are fabricated. not all are done by Photoshop, but you get what i mean. it likes the newsroom deciding which "facts" to air in your screen and which ones to move quickly to Recycle Bin.
when you are in front of the TV screen or the computer, you are not seeing the truth. the only absolute reality you can get is all those nasty secrets and thoughts you have, concealed in your brain.
for instance, my cheeks look particularly smooth in this photo, whereas it resembles the problematic figures of the moon in real life.
this, unfortunately, is not me.
THAT pose of dear god Yoshitomo Nara above is to epic not to copy. it's really strange and so iconic and shit, i want those paintings. Nara-san is now one of my style icons and--uhh---Jesus Christs. if you watch his videos and everything, you'll know. he is fantastic.
special unThanks to Kath and Mic, (the women who played "sleigh") for not being good coaches and photographers. like, srsly, girls, i was trying to pose like an artist, not an awkward vegetable. sigh.
we will all see each other gain someday. birbs.


and the past week

who am i?

where am i?
what am i doing here?
ha ha.
no everyone, i am just kidding, i didn't get amnesia. i have been away for a long time (1 week)! well how am i doing, you might ask?

i am not good at all. there are so many things i should worry about, and i am extremely lazy, so it makes things even harder. i am hoping some powerful spirit of strength and determination possesses me so i can finally work on my thesis. but i guess there really is nobody to count on but myself, so i don't know. good luck.
i have been very problematic; can't decide whether to continue my previous three chapters of thesis work or start a new one which is more interesting, experimental, and productive.
then again, as said, i am lazy, which means i just pursued what i have previously worked on in hopes of it being an easier research/study matter. i wish i can just stop studying right now and switch to an art school instead. or get a job immediately. (please. i want money) hopefully things still go well for me.
sometimes i worry for myself all the more when i see people saying stuff like: "with God, i can do this!" or ridiculous crap like that, 'cause i can't be like them.. . . maybe faith is a random thing, regardless of how false it is, really helps? it's a great motivational factor, this God.
i don't know. meh.
Kath and  Mic and i had this small, dumb game involving the deathly friction-less floor of our college department. all in the spirit of reindeer pulling a sleigh. ha ha. i am glad nobody got hurt.
 kill me.

Bad Bloomin'

i have witnessed
even with eyes closed
the blooms
of a tainted soul.

it is a flower
with the petals
dangling around
a set of yellow sharp teeth
tounge in the middle
it will (eventually) spit

there is no way
for the ears
to save the bearer
from hearing
screams of the flower
seeking pain and death
causing glasses to shatter

and the demise
of itself


and cold light

wow, cats and dogs.

how are you?
i am wrapped in a thin blanket right now wearing my
school-uniform-underwears still (ha ha. no photo! sux 4 u) (just
kidding) since these few days have been really cold. everybody's
fussing about it, the weather is just--really fantastic. there's no
rain around. just a pure endless overture to what might have been a
good post-December snowfall.

sad to say; i will not be able to blog conveniently until weekend
because my father's laptop is confined in an officemate's work, and
there's no alternative around but a lonely email-entry like this.

today had been really funny. i didn't feel bad about anything at all
(except: thesis). we had a small role-play presentation and played a
sleigh-like pulling-game with a human being as a sleigh. ha ha .i will
insert pictures here in my journal once i get a hold of a computer.

tomorrow is Wednesday again (aka Last Day of Schoolweek), my, how time
flies. . .

good luck to me.
and you.
i have plenty
of things to do.

- shin O.


and dear child

i am so very sad while doing this. i remember that 4-year-old girl in the news who was kidnapped by four evil men during christmas day. she was missing for 12 days and was raped then with her limbs tied up and a plastic bag around her head. 
i don't think i can be happy ever again.
(i know this looks like 
Yoshitomo Nara's work. it is not my intention)
in other news, i am finished with my first collaborative art project for 2013! it's for a foreign fashion magazine, and i am so happy to be part of it although working around this time has been a slightly stressful at times. that is normal, i think. to be stressed and uptight.
a representation of me back when i was somehow bullied . i was twelvve years old then. my best friend betrayed me and tried his best to make my life hellish. job well done, motherfucker. but i'm better now.


and childhood

Cake Asthma
some painting from last year that i never got to scan until now. i did this during a flu. this is supposed to be a gift to my professor, but now that i look at it carefully, i realize it is a bit inappropriate and he will not fully feel pleasant, having this within sight.
this day had been nicely dull. i can't even think of anything to say.
i am currently working on an art project of some sort, kinda like the one i did with Ms. Wendy. although this time things were more stressful and pressure-y since i have to finish a dozen pictures by tomorrow and i only got the images to be designed last Wednesday. it's all ok now, i think i just have to focus my mind on making nice (at least acceptable) art instead of being annoyed with life's unfair circumstances.

speaking of "project", here's something from last year, too. we had this homework that says "draw something that reminds me of your childhood".
an unabashed attempt at minimalism
my childhood spells only one thing: H O S P I T A L. i was an asthmatic boy then and lived half of my whole pre-puberty years in the hospital (the nurses there remember me until now). but don't feel bad for me. i got to play sports crap back then too. soccer, baseball, dodgeball, etc. i am a very good athlete, actually. it just so happened that my lungs are better at sucking in dirt and gets exhausted quickly, so yeah. asthma.

watch this video ^ ! it is very funny and inspiring. (made me want to do a short film)


and self-pity

to be honest, i am not very interested to be alive right now.
there are things i am supposed to do but i'd rather sleep or listen to The Fool On The Hill, which describes me a lot. i always rarely feel bad for myself, but some nights i get to contemplate my life and it makes me so lonely. everybody loathes self-pitying and act as though it is disgusting, but in my opinion, everybody thinks they're pathetic, at least a little bit. it is not embarrassing. it is not bad (unlike what my ex thinks, and accuses me of) .believing in god doesn't change anything. you are not beautifully created and is not special. (fuck Facebook quotes). the only downside of self-pitying is that it does not do either bad or good. an emotional limbo. we're pretty flawed creatures.
Day after day,
Alone on a hill,
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool,
And he never gives an answer,

Well on the way,
Head in a cloud,
The man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud
But nobody ever hears him,
or the sound he appears to make,
and he never seems to notice,

And nobody seems to like him,
they can tell what he wants to do,
and he never shows his feelings,

And he never listens to them,
He knows that they're the fools
They don't like him,

The fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.
a selca taken some weeks ago.


and cover

i bought a fashion magazine today. i have concluded that fashion magazines do inspire me a little more than actual art magazines. probably because i try to get similar achievements as the artists i see in the latter, and it makes me feel painfully untalented. while fashion mags are basically all about spontaneous beauty and monthly-reincarnated charms found in women and random objects.
my first week of school for 2013 has ended just like that. everything had been fine. i am happy that coping up with things kept at the darkest corners of my mind during christmas break was pretty neat and comfortable. i felt warm inside too. how strange! how alive!

below is the covers of my new journal. the photos i collaged up are those i handpicked one online-time while browsing Hospital X aka best tumblr ever. this is truly inspiring. especially that demure bed photograph at the center.
click this word if you want to see a clear, non-moving image of it.

 i have just downloaded a new EP from an awesome music company that releases free music from awesome indie artists! check them out at numberlinerecords.com/  ; Pipes and Palindromes by Modulogeek  =)

surely there are some other stuff i am planning to write about, but TV is very noisy i can't concentrate.


and a quick Obituary

three goldfish found dead in my room. barely lasted 24 hours in my care, these fishes.
rest in waterly peace, Blondie, Jesus Christ, and Ah~.
you will always be the yearn of my heart and disappoint of my purse for ever.
here's a song for you:


and fish + friends

today i thought i will have some sort of a hangover out of sulking my heart out all these days during vacation. but things were back to normal immediately. i realized that i actually missed some of my classmates. my friends are all so funny and nice i totally forgot that i didn't get any sleep the previous night at all. ha ha. i love everyone.
in the afternoon, out of fun i whipped water from a random mineral water bottle i found to friend Kath's feet  & shoe then she got a bit very mad and i felt so bad, but she forgave me quickly. how nice. i love Kath so much, guys. no malice, tho. we're like, brothers and sisters already (she's the brother, lol) <3
anyways, after class i tagged along with friend Erlyn  (see, i got another friend. mum, i have friends! WAH!)  to the market there in her region (wild, scatterly-Hong Kong-like area. with fake cellphones everywhere and fruits and decaying people) and it was fun since i finally get to buy fish! i wanted fish-friends since last August, when there was flood in our area and i just wanted to associate good stuff with water. ha ha. i am well-proud of how i named them.
yes, that one's named "Ah~".
damn taking pictures of fish are hard! they never stay in one position. no pose-pause or anything. whimsical as fuck. please, god, don't let them die too young. like, give me at least two months with them. they are pretty expensive.

i hope all my other school days go on well. i am just letting go of the hate and seeing some of my classmates as not just dumb, miserable sub-sapiens but as inspirational icons too. sooner or later i am totally going to be everybody's darling Shin~
and when they all like me again
i'm gonna tear their THESIS apart!
(i am kidding.)


and the very scheduled program

there are good and bad points in going back to school.
i will finally be saved from sulking in my bed all day (and feeling none but guilt, guilt, guilt), but i would have to return facing my thesis and other school projects and such. oh i don't know anymore. i will just ride on with whatever happens. and try not to pay attention to anything.
untitled; done a week ago. or less days than a week. i totally forgot about this one after doing it. the face is very satisfactory, though.
i have become such a hermit this short three-week vacation. it felt like a year to me. or not. surely i have learned a lot these past days? yes. sure.
and look how much chest hair i've grown! ha ha.
honestly i have got nothing to write about.
wait, i have dreamed of Allison Harvard! she has long, straight black hair there and i was the interviewer, or not really it, but i was part of the existence of the interviewer. then we had to do a little retro-romantic act.it was awkward but she was really just nice (and didn't care about me at all) which is ok.
last night, until 4am, i was doing some little comic, the story was very comfortable to do, but i don't feel like continuing it anymore.

this afternoon i watched a movie-theater-recorded film, Rise Of The Guardians, and it's super good. it made me cry. i totally fell in love (wow i sound like a lame blonde teenager at this point, srry) with Sandman! he was just totally adorable and i enjoyed his character and powers. man, this film is good!

everything will go back to the "scheduled program" tomorrow. hopefully my feelings and psyche too. it is quite exhausting to be happy about the existence of two dying balloons in my room at one moment then crying out of unrequited love the next. i am miserable.


and Isaac

Isaac Sings The Body Electric
i really don't understand how or why the illustrations that most satisfy me are the ones i do randomly on dirty, unserious sheets of paper. i did this one at the back of a drawing i did some time ago. and it upsets me how, like other blunders, i can never do the same thing again. i am also now planning to do a how-do-i-paint video, which really kills myself esteem but i think it would be a nice gesture to my very motivative friend. who tells me i should.
Isaac Lost In Hong Kong

and girl treatment

i want to share something i got to paint yesterday evening.
there's this thing Allison Harvard said in an interview about painting:
 I enjoy using watercolor and oil. I like to treat different parts of the face with a different kind of care. It always depends.
so i tried doing that. a "treatment". and the result is that photograph i took above. or what's in it, i mean. the body is very different from the face (try covering the top or the bottom part, to see what i try to say) but it's okay. i really like this one because, as i usually do, i put in different regions of my emotion-sphere in its anatomy. and she has this "classic" aura in her. i will try to avoid using pens now. and, the most remarkable part about what we have here is, *tada-dadaaa* i didn't use watercolour. only oil pastel. same as any art material out there in the planet, i have no idea how to properly use it, so i worked my butt off to invent my own methods. ha ha. trust no Youtube tutorial.
in other news, i am in big trouble. as usual i'd just say the initial situation and nothing else.
but yeah.
i am in big trouble.
nothing that may cause a fuss among others but something that will be very destructive to me. all the beautiful things are evil, i'm afraid. and inevitable.  i am not sure what to do anymore. i hope school comes back well and keep me busy so i do not have to lounge around, worrying and doing disasters.
please tell me what you think of that woman i have drawn above. your suggestions, etc.

i have this feeling i saw her before. . . oh well. her face is a bit common.

this is really very beautiful.