and moodboard + the lost virgins

i want to make this my blog header. what do you think?
there's this website i discovered featuring vintage photos of young, innocent-looking boys naked and in lame poses. usually accompanied by a mundane object. i want to share it with you but i am afraid you'd just judge me. and i am quite greedy with the things i enjoy. especially guilty pleasures like that.
i swear i am not gay and i do not get excited by penis at all. truth is, i have never been into drawing males much. until now. i have become really reflective since i am almost always alone (when the imaginary friends were not around) and i am learning to translate my feelings into paper. drawing these virile boys is really fun and quite addictive. although i can do basically only one pose.
these drawings are further and deeper studies of what i wrote about lust in a previous journal entry. they are victims of new tall waves of emotions, hormones, corruption of innocence, and the inability to take a hold of themselves. they do not know that they are victims. or probably, they do. but ignorance is much preferable than fighting beautiful feelings.
corrupt me.

and a very "used" sketchpad for sale.

have you swallowed a firework yet, person?
that's great, then.

i am in a very uncelebratory spirit right now. i wish i had a big flu today. the type that will keep me dazed and see everything in a blurry, sad manner. i like that. at least, during festive seasons. damn i really wish i could teleport. i'd be in freaking Disneyworld right now getting it down with mascots if i could. mascots are the best.
as i have tweeted, i have finished my sketchpad used during the final quarter of the year. i am very happy with the doodled rigmaroles inside it since i think it holds very notable parts of my thoughts and desires. congratulations, Shin. you have again documented just how lustful the virgins like you are. yay.
you can totally buy this one now. it's like purchasing a very huge, notable part of me. but then again,why would you.
this is the back cover. which turned out to be the front, too. idk. notice how the minimal design is articulated? isn't it great? . . . no.
you can click any of the words in this sentence to see more drawings to be found inside this awesome "book" of lame untalented illustrations whom i have entitled HYACINTH.

now i am just looking forward to using my second sketchpad. what a good way to start 2013! i'll probably just lock myself up in my room all this time now. unless i am at school. sorry, self.
2013 will be an awesome year.
there will be lots of deaths.
let there be blood.
oh darling. let's get married this year.


and Lady Tremaine

Lady Tremaine (12" x 16")
all the watercolour drawings i have done lately has hair that looks like that of above, i think it is very much inspired by the ideal retro housewife, which appeals to me a lot. idk. however, that painting seems really vile and bitchy. i think she gives off this evil stepsister aura, so i named her with the family name of Cinderella's stepparent and sisters. this one is probably the youngest and she was not yet born during the filming of the movie.

i am still not pleased with how my works look. but i guess i am improving.
this expresses my feelings quite well
i am looking forward to New year's Eve celebration because there will be food. i don't like how time flies. i barely get sleep. i hate everything.
last night i was about to go to 7-eleven and buy a sundae. it was about three am.. . . but i met an angry dog, and he had friends to support him also. so i just went back and forced myself to sleep.
obviously not pleased with anyone. hah.
i am supposed to think positive and look forward to 2013. but i just can't. it feels like all things i want are bringing me down.
except my darling love~
who does not care at all.


and preview + thoughts on art stuff.

hullo, charming set of alpacas! what have you been up to?
i have finished my collaborative work with Panache

although it has not been posted yet, so for now, i only have one photo to show you. 
this was the first one approved.
it just feels quite strange now. since when i open my father's laptop, (in which he usually complains about the oily keyboard) i get a wee bit feeling of emptyness since i won't have to open Photoshop anymore and work on 'stickers' and layer-ings. ha ha. it was sure fun and i got attached a bit. i think i really learned a lot; this is my first time working with someone and having to ask approval and doing double-takes, etc. 
contrary to popular belief, i like getting critiques and having people tell me how to make my style more acceptable and 'good'. now i just feel like i can take commission stuff already. . . . .or not. i am very much worried about what people think.

in matters of me as a person (personality, behavior, and such) i can be a bit stubborn and have this "uh, so what" mentality, but it is different for my art. i get overly conscious about what people may say and i feel quite 'little' as an artist  (if i am) since there are so many *awesome* ones out there. and i love all of them. i look up to artists a lot. *^*
 in sum, as for the moment, i am probably still immature and must be even bolder in this "do what you want" thing and not be 'worried',etc.s the most important person in my life had said, "don't worry. you're very young."
so yes, i will never stop.
and i will definitely work harder.
i hope Senpai notice me this year.. . . . *-* (2013)

some doodling i did on a piggy bank... . .. which is  bear.. .. .. .so idk if this should still be called a piggy bank... ugh.
i hope you're all safe and try to avoid lonely white vans with slow music, okay?
be careful all the time.


and lust

i think being lustful is not just something one has decided to feel upon himself. 
there is always some kind of otherworldly force involved in getting such sensations like that. 
and i believe it goes beyond scientific explanations about pheromones and hormonal functions.
lust is totally evil and will make you do bad things. the guiltiest of pleasures.
however, we human beings have superior minds. we are intelligent and we have the brain that holds access and control to almost every inch of the body.
lust is powerful. but you can be more powerful than that.
it is, still, beautiful.


and post-christmas

with cousin Loops. that balloon i am holding has a very beautiful colour. i am so sad i didn't take it to my room immediately. it was STOLEN afterwards.
 i totally achieved my goal of spending the christmas day just sulking in my room and trying to show everyone how unimportant this day really is. congratulations, Shin.
and then this afternoon, about 5pm onwards, i left home for a while to go buy a pen with bestfriend Gasp. it totally sucked since there wasn't the kind of pens i was looking for in the supplies store we went so we ended up just eating shrimp balls in the mall and french fries. i paid a good much of everything since i got some money yesterday from my sister. this day had been really fun and we had a knack on counting how many lame teenagers are wearing those cheap varsity jackets. ha ha. we saw 36 of them!
and then we also went to another mall, a very sad, almost abandoned one with a cinema and so many empty stalls. i really feel bad for it.  but then there's this one spunky shop there selling pre-owned japanese plushies and clothes! i bought three fun plushies (actually, four. Gasp has one).
aw~*** aren't they cute??? *_* i forgot the name of that monkey. i think it's Kukumallu or something hilarious like that.
this looks like one of the hosts in TMZ. i don't know her name. since this was just done in a scrap of paper, i tried drawing it again. such beautiful watercolour accidents can only happen once. how lonely.
i hope you got nice presents! i didn't get any! yay.

in other news, i am very very addicted to this song by Natalia Kills. totally opened up my eyes for a strange, art genre i call mini-maximalism. my mind just keeps on forcing me to drink and not drink the kool-aid all night long. couldn't sleep. controversy. uh-huh.


and christmas eve.

i am just going to post three watercolour fun stuff i did yesterday and today. here goes.
Demon Of Christmas Eve
Red Ridin' Hood

and then here goes the whole image previewed in my former post.
Ugly December
this is all for now. i hope you feel my unhappiness with the sparse usage of words in this entry. ha.

have a merry christmas.

and the very well-thought-of plan for christmas day.

hi everyone.
the utter loneliness of having putrefied cough and christmas time just drives me into this unbearable realm of sheer unhappiness i can't even describe. i am missing people who do not care for me at all. i am ready to die for them. and they are not concerned. it's okay, though. Shin is very much used to being underrated especially in emotional matters since he acts as though he doesn't feel anything most of the time. well surprise, guys. i feel everything.
i feel the water in the pond miles away from here. i feel mourning children raped by their parents. i feel my bed. i feel your soul. as some have said, i am very sensory most of the time and i notice things that are usually just left ignored. (whoa there. so much for self-appreciation). 
the cold December breeze has finally gone within my nerves and i am afraid of not being able to actually have this rare, warm thing they call "Joy". i want to lie in bed and have someone beside me to say awkwardly comfortable things and stuff. i want too much, i guess.

anyways, i finally got to paint in the watercolour pad i bought. the size is 12 inches by 16. and it is "too large" for me. the pressure sure got in the way as i accidentally ruined the whole picture by--i won't even say. it just sucked. the face came out perfectly from my mind, though. there's really something good coming from a doodled image before hitting the brushes. idk. still, the cold December breeze.. . . . . .ahh~
i name thee; Ugly December. (Louissa, her name, is holding a cube here in this photo.) this is just a small part of the whole image. the least ugly part, i think.
sniff is the word to summarize this whole month. or the latter part of it, at least. or--wait, THE END OF 2012!!! wah! i can't believe i am ending the whole year with sickness! what a sad, but accurate, summary! although i am not even sure if "sniff" is an actual lexicc term.. . . i think it's more of, like, an onomatopoeia. hah. can your mum spell that? ONOMATOPOEIA? no. my mum can't. too.

it is christmas tomorrow and my sole plan for this day of ultimate celebration about the apparent birthday of an  overratedly famous fictional character is to play dead. like a dog. or a furniture. or Michael Jackson. or a mouse pad. or. . .
speaking of mum, she just gave me a hundred pesos. i think, subconsciously, she understands my melancholy. or not. i am pathetic and mum is trying to lessen up my loneliness. i don't know. this might be because i don't have anything new to wear for christmas and she pities me beyond her ability to not give me money ever. i want to cry.


and habits.

hi, people.
i was pondering just now over how awesome it could be if there are actually animals reading my blog too. will there ever be a time when i can get comments such as "i'm a raccoon and i can relate to you a lot! keep it up, man." or even a simple "baa--baa--baa" would do. ugh. if you're an animal (reptile, fish, bird, amphibian, anything) and you actually read my box universe, pray tell me so. i would love to hear your opinions.

how are you doing?
i am just fine. i think i get these incredible waves of dazed-ness and confusion every once in a while and it hurts quite a bit. but am okay. i also get pissed off quickly at twitter and facebook people these days. i am never not annoyed at them, but it's different now. sometimes i feel like i roll my eyes so much that their sockets loosen a bit and sooner or later my eyeballs will finally roll off.  for that matter, i decided to create  a new Facebook account. another reason for doing so is that my real name is Shin Oderschvank and i don't want people to think it's Shin Oh. at this point in my life, i reckon am already truly sure of who am i, (or at least, most of what me consists) and it's all good. i know now what will make me angry and sad and happy. although i get surprised with new triggers of old emotions every once in a while too. it's okay.
are you like Shin who eats a banana in the middle of the witching hour? contact your local cable operator now.
i have not been sleeping all too well lately. for a consecutive number of days now i fall out at about three thirty am and wake up in different times. today i woke up three in the afternoon. i really want to be "normal" in terms of routine and actions, like, sleeping regularly at ten and waking at seven in the morning, etc. Shin is a person of habits, srsly, it just so happened that his habits and methods of living are--uhh--a bit peculiar.
i don't want to be the kind of person who is likely to represent a Wong Kar Wai or Wes Anderson film character in how i live. i want to be like, Haruki Murakami, who gets to create beautiful, intricate, and strange stories albeit the monotonous and uptightly scheduled lifestyle.

please don't forget to drink water always and avoid men in masks this christmas season. have a nice day.


and the preference of lovely females (Why-I-Don't-Have-A-Girlfriend-Yet-series pt.3)

i don't have anything to say right now. except the Beatles For Sale album is really fun. 
and, drawings i did the other day;

i have no idea what any of these means.
i just realized how unfortunate life is for me. i guess that cliche quote "bad guys get the good girls" is real. i don't know, folks. but they really oftendo. do girls really prefer "men" with past lives of being cigarette addicts and has tendencies to rape them any time whether they're alone together or not? is being "manly" in terms of big bikes and leather and shit, the requisites of what an ideal MAN should be? or in the preferences of a loverly female, at least? maybe.
but i have no idea how it goes in general, since i am absolutely thinking of only one particular girl in mind.
sucks to be replaced by some pervert who is known for distribution of multi-coloured drugs.

girls may scream over The Beatles, but at the end, most would rather get themselves banged by Ramones members and the like.
sorry for the over-generalization. my opinions really tend to suck.

and "not always there"

hi everyone.
i really intended to not post anything today. i don't know. i just want to be one of those rare, awesome people who are not always there. like, you know in films and such when someone's looking for somebody and then that somebody isn't there and things go wrong just because? yeah. that's cool. it also occurs, when you wanted to contact a person online. say, an online shop or something and then when you call, they aren't present? and your mind goes like: "oh well, that guy's probably busy. doing some other awesome shit."

well i never wanted to be busy.
how do you differ someone and somebody?
i use someone when there is a particular, specific person i am pointing at. say, someone broke my heart. or, someone stole my favourite mug.
and then i use somebody when the person involved is unknown. or unimportant. say, somebody got you pregnant. or better yet, now you're just somebody that i used to know. see? unimportant.
i am not sure about that, though. grammar rules so often stress me out.  it does not really matter.
nothing does.


and sick day.

i am sick today.
i woke up at about one in the afternoon with this dream of having my beautiful headphone broken; the sounds were bubbly and distorted. it felt so real because it was occurring in my room and i realized that it was only a dream by the song which i was currently playing there. it was I Fink U Freeky by Die Antwoord, and as far as my (phone) memory is concerned, i deleted the whole Ten$ion album about two months ago. after spraining my ankle whilst dancing bythe same song. what else is creepy there, besides the apparent demise of  headphones, was that my position in the bed in my dream was the same as how it was like for real; when i woke up. dreams really are funny and i wish there's a way to record them and watch when am awake.
so yeah.
until now i haven't touched them headphones yet. i'm afraid that that dream foreshadows of what's really going to happen. (wah!)
i played music in loud speakers  instead. i listened to some tracks in The Beatles' Please Please Me album, Lana Del Rey's Born To Die deluxe (except track 2 and 12 and 15), and then Mia Pharaoh of Miniature Tigers.
having a cold is difficult especially now, there is a pimple in my nose. i don't know, my friends; i feel so unlucky again. but i think i am getting better in different aspects of myself. there was even a time in my life where i had a cold for a whole semester and a half. wow, no? i know.  now i realize it's a good thing i didn't attend that overnight party at Alm's. i would have been more upset if i was there but i can't do anything because even breathing itself seems like such a hard task.
in good news (is it?) i got to paint something today! i am glad that i have put the last page of my first watercolor pad to good use.  i did a portrait of a boy who is ill. i thought illustrating the face of an ill child is easy, but it is actually tough, man. but it's ok. i'm thinking of handing this over to my favorite professor. will he like it? gotta ask my friends first. the photo above is just a small fraction of the whole thing.i can't have it scanned yet.
my brother's glasses feels really nice and it's as though it really protects the eye. am jealous.
in other news, The Sticker Project work is going well.

goodbye everyone. please don't forget to wear something before sleeping so you won't end up like me. nasal waters run deep. especially if green and slimy. sigh.

and "sneak peek" of "work"

source: her twitter

deciding whether to post this or not has been a dilemma in my mind since Ms.Wendy tweeted it in December 16. i don't know. i just feel really nervous about the whole thing, and the act of  making sneak peeks. we had been working through Facebook and Photoshop for a while now. sending ideas back and forth. this is my first time working with somebody and i realize it really is fun and it feels like i am being more productive compared to doing things just for myself.
basically i had to draw on her pictures taken by a particular Jonathan Rae.
i dubbed this whole activity of ours as "the sticker project", since i made some doodles revolving around certain themes (Junji Ito, bunnymen,  and others)
i hope this "product" of ours really get somewhere nice and more people get to be interested in having fun "art stuff" time with me when this all gets out.
for those of you who do not know, Ms.Wendy is panache halloweentown, she is one of the most remarkable bloggers right now due to her unique, horror-themed approach to fashion and overwhelmingly unique GIF photobooth edits. hehe. she's also really sweet and her boss is "cool", apparently.
this is obviously not a part of the preview. just a reminder to Shin that the upcoming apparent world's end should not encourage laziness. hee hee. but yeah. we can call the a "workplace"
she sent me a link to this video one work-night (yep, her taste in music is pretty neat, too)
but then i was like:
maybe by next week i may be done with this already and we just have to find a magazine where she can submit the whole thing and when my presence would at least take part in her awesome site. that will surely feel great and i might just take screenshots of everything when she gets to post it. i might post the first unrevised works, too. and the stickers! if dear Panache Halloweentown would say it's okay.

please look forward to it too!


and melancholy

art by Manix Abrera
i feel the need to write something everyday. yet my diary remains blank. anyways, here is something i wrote in December 5 after somebody told me that she's actually afraid to talk to me sometimes since i am, like, a blade-mouthed person. something like that. more or less.

i just want to cry right now. the world is truly a terrible place and so is the world inside me. i want to cry so often but i suppress everything because crying is uncool and that means i'm comforting me. and i hate me, so i don't. by the way, by "crying", i don't mean something like a *sob sob sob* teary-eyed shitvomit or something that makes my face look like this emoticon: (T-T). in Shin's case it's more of a asfghjkiuytdcvbjkj-killkillkill state of being.

i hate myself all too well. it upsets me these days that everyone has a misjudgment on me. or maybe they're all right and i'm the one who's got a wrong idea of who i really am? (if that's the case, then it's really really depressing.)
it's crazy and i am getting confused. people see me now as a very mean person who should not be trusted or liked since they claim i am too outspoken and verbally offensive. and it's weird since i am actually suppressing lots of thoughts that may have been brutal/awful to hear! Gaaah.. ..also, nobody trusts me. they think i just lie a lot and planning to trick them into something nasty. so ok, i may be prank-y sometimes but that's it, when i say "i didn't do anything" well guess what, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. these two miserable predicaments are so contradictory. ugh. problem 1 is that i am too honest with my words, problem 2 is that i seem like a big liar, so i don't know anymore. the other day i realized two people whom i think i can go all real-Shin witha re quite 'intimidated' by me because i am 'sensitive', 'critical', or overly affective that i tend to be harsh on others.
i don't know.
far as i'm concerned, i treasure my friend's feelings alot and try not to hurt them as much as possible. yet, apparently, i do
such troubles lead to myself asking "what the fuck, Shin what is really going on with you? WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY? what do you really want/need/eat?" and it's all too depressing.
maybe i just lack sleep and ice cream?
you can all leave me now.

and the end of the world

i don't feel anything about this 21.21.12 thing at all. the idea of the world ending just in time with a presumption rooted upon by a shameless but incredibly effective plot for a commercial film never crossed my mind at all. i am not worried about 2012 being planet Earth's last year, or whatever. i am not worried. this is just another one of wordly bullcrap. creepypasta for "mature" people, something like that.

as Michael Crichton said in Jurassic Park;
“The planet has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us.” 

and, contradictory-ly;

“Living systems are never in equilibrium. They are inherently unstable. They may seem stable, but they’re not. Everything is moving and changing. In a sense, everything is on the edge of collapse.” 

i don't know, folks, but i have big faith in Mother Nature. it's the planet we're talking about here. the only god there is the spirit of environment human beings raped endlessly throughout the years. it's the strongest thing in the whole, wide, world (aka, itself). it will not end just like that. it's so vain of humans to say that just because we are all fucked-up and so deserving to die means Earth would crumble along with us. we may all disappear right now, but same way the dinosaurs wiped out in a whimper, we shall be replaced. Bible is false. Koran is false. Mayan Calendar is false. internet is false. have faith in life, fucking idiots.

everyday, the world ends. in many different ways. same way you are totally not the person you were when you were born since every cell that consisted the original you is now long dead. for that matter, it's not just the world that ends, in a subjective sense, but the whole universe. people kill all the wonders existing from time to time. (also, see video below.)
besides, i swore to no one back in high school i won't die a virgin. so there. prophet words.


and the unwritten faults of learning restraint.

today i went to the smoky place to buy myself a gift. the watercolor pad. and i did. i also found a copy of FHM with Naya Rivera on the cover which my bestfriend (who's a big, big, fangirl of glee) craved for since then. so we also met and she bought it.

i was quite proud of my newfound skill in repressing myself from buying books, that is healthy since i still have books here and i am trying to save money. it is totally the opposite of how i'd been like before. however, it got me lonely today since  there had been these photography books there that was quite expensive but it had a  two-for-the-price-of-one last week when i saw it, for some dumb unexisting reason, i didn't buy it. now i am regretting everything since the promo was gone. srsly, WHY? where's the christmas spirit in you guys?
that store is really bull crap. they have two floors and in the upper floor, there wasn't a storekeeper at all. and i needed assistance. ugh. i hate those people. i noticed that so many public-service companies lack efficient employees, and that is very bad. the most abundant kind they have are rude, idiotic, and very unprofessional ones. regardless of your degree in education, guys, surprise surprise, YOU HAVE TO BE POLITE. Shin really has a rude mind and is incredibly honest when necessary, but to strangers, he is polite. be like me, everyone. ugh. why don't you.
there's this book there of child photography published in 1980s. i just wanted to cry because it's all too beautiful.. .. especially this one.
no, this is not firemen porn. the story, according to the caption, is that these two guys just went inside a building and they lacked oxygen and had to share it. i didn't get the explanation either, no. but who needs them? aaaah~  did you ever want to be a fireman when you were  kid? my nephew Sam does. i wonder of he had this in mind....
here's another thing i am absolutely dying to have. more than a bubble gun, actually. and that's saying a lot.
i wish i can do something like this with Edda!

and things getting out of hand

so our little Baby Dylan has to go back to somewhere in Europe now along with his mum who happens to be my sister. i don't know, but when i woke up today and they weren't around i felt a little sad and helpless. more because i didn't get to say goodbye to the kid than because i have been "attached". Shin tries not to get attached to any particular human being. to objects, yes, that's cool. anyways, so i feel really lonely and it is always a bit weakening when you know some things got a bit out of hand just like that. well actually, nothing got out of hand. i just liked that phrase and thought it's appropriate to how i see most things that---uh--get out of hand. ugh.
had to use carrot pattern applied in another photo  because internet connetion just won't let me view outer space images.
i had to think positive. now i can play loud music since there'll be no sleeping baby around! (only sleeping adults!) hello, Lana Del Rey in speakers! yay.
later today i am planning to go to a school supplies store and buy a watercolor pad. i hope things go well for me.
spells pedophile all over it.
 i cleaned the house today. simple shit like dishes and floor and rooms. it is important to write that in since that rarely happens. dreams do come true.


Cigarette & Moonlight

there's something beautiful in those scenes in films and real life when the guy/girl sits at the edge of a bed after sex and he/she lights up a cigarette, and then the partner watches him/her from the bed and he/she is exhausted. plus point if there are beams of moonlight streaming in from the window. some images occurring in our lives are more meaningful in poetic than words, an example of that is what i just talked about. 
if you have ever seen smoke dancing by the moonlight, having the whole atmosphere as its stage, it might even make you cry. the most overwhelming of emotions come in subtle ways and it is always for the best.


and difficulties in thinking of titles of entries

hi, my name is Shin.
this day (Saturday) was spent by not going to school and working on secret art project. i have been busy in front of (my father's) laptop all day and checking my Interaction feed in twitter. truth is, i get miniscularly nervous when checking other people's connections with me in social networking sites. there really are haters in the internet (like me) (?). i am afraid of interactions yet i;m always kind enough to check those. well, maybe i am a masochist.
yeah. maybe? since i like it when i get slapped on random body parts or in the process of getting pimples removed? i am not very comfortable with labels, so i guess i will not call myself that. however, there are other proof of me being such an M, like, watching horror films although i get totally freaked out (mentally! only!) and at this time of the night, even, i am listening to this horror game soundtrack by Gary Ashiya. some tracks are pretty scary. check them out.
as said, i am working lovingly on the Sticker Project, and i am impressed by me!  Shin is an efficient, fast, and very open-to-suggestion collaborator! i work hard, don't i?
well you probably have no idea, blog, but yes. i do. i noticed that when i really enjoy something, i tend to not be lazy on it and spend every free time, which is basically all the time (Shin is a free man) working on it. same with the Bulletin Board project. this, behold, my friends, is a very good thing, i think. my partner in this art project also said i am being professional. (HAH!) thank you.

in other news, i went out to a smoky land (let us not call it 'city') to mail that letter + other stuff i have for a friend. but they were all closed. i ended up buying pen refills instead.
actually, i was supposed to buy watercolour pad too. but when i was at the store, it just felt wrong and unnecessary.  now i am back home, i regret not buying it. weird, huh.
i reckon i really should not touch books these days. i browsed a bit in that bookstore today and got a headache that disappeared only when i listened to Lana Del Rey's Paradise EP. which really makes sense, since it is one of the most beautiful records ever. not a record that is described "beautiful", ladies and men, but a beautiful entity, in  form of a record.
i was talking about this song with Eda and described the it like this: "it's like Lana being a giant god getting  up from all over your body and i go like 'ah ohmygod she's coming what do i do where do i run' " and it is accurate. contrary to what haters say, Lana Del Rey is not an anti-feminist. in fact, Paradise Edition is as glorious as it is empowering. as my friend said, "Lana can be submissive but nonetheless powerful". she surely isn't one of us, guys. Lana is something else. look at how far up in heaven she takes you by Bel Air. awesome. paraiso at its finest. i love you.


and life getting better; thanks to photo-mixing.

this is basically just a follow-up to what i had previously written.
i have no school days anymore, not until 2013 (hurrah for ever) so i think my blog will really be dull and unupdated not unless my father lends me his laptop more often, like how he did today. (all day long i have this.) unfortunately the internet is very very very slow; even twitter DPs can't be loaded half the time. .
i guess Shin really lives a kind of life where everything supposed to be convenient always comes with a terrific downside. like, i have nice facial features (apparently) but then i have pimples. i can draw, but i don't have a scanner, and my hand trembles a lot. i have plenty of books, but my eyes are already well damaged. congratulations, Shin. *rolls eyes*  for that matter i really envy people who get to have what they want. however problematic their love lives would be,  they are materially complete. i envy them. i envy everyone. ugh.
it can be said that this photo is a "preview" of the work i'm collaborating/working on. i dub it as The Sticker Project, since it's like i am putting stickers on a photos of someone.. heehee. i don't know if you know that person i'm working with, but that person (see? am not even telling if it's a he or she! Shin makes a good secret-keeper) is pretty big on that person's field of interest! hah! young man above is baby Dylan
there are some matters i need to discuss with the deciding regions of my brain right now;
1) will i go to school tomorrow? for Saturday class? where we will have a not-to-be-recorded examination and my professor will lend me his copy of The Trial by Franz Kafka?
2) will there really be another christmas party underneath the supervision of our class adviser? will i attend?
3) will i attend overnight party in friend Alm's place? where there's apparently beer and adult stuff?
4) will i buy a huge, expensive watercolour pad?
5) will i pursue living this life?

gaaah~*** i don't know! i am terrible at making decisions. basically because i tend to regret everything.
i wonder how it would feel when one day you took a photo of yourself and then when you check how it looked, you saw someone else's face instead. ha ha.  that kind of incident happened to me once in a side mirror. i mentally freaked out. always in my mind only. my physical self reacts delayedly all the time.
as always, in the end of every journal entry, i get this sensation that i have something else important to write, but when i rack my brains (oftentimes i bang my head in the wall) for anything to say, there's nothing. which leads me to this conclusion that Shin is actually just a skull of negative helium. what.

and Adobe Photoshop

i like mixing things up visually. maybe sonically and in other ways too, if i know remixing audio and stuff, but i don't. maybe i can try combining verses of different poems? wait, has anybody ever thought of doing that? (please tell me no.) ugh. there are so many things to do with the internet.

"um guys i think i'm obsessed with sum1 but am not sure. what do u think"
what we have below are some of the slides in the powerpoint presentation i did for our seminar. these are my favourites. posted neither chronologically or continuously or whatevs. 
ugh. i hate how i have what i completely must say in mind during random times and when the keyboard is here below my fingers all the thoughts just go away. how do other people save themselves from that illness? tell me your suggestions =)
i tried to make a bubble solution today using dishwashing liquid, water, and sugar (online formula says so) it works, although only one bubble per blow and it dies young. tell me your suggestions on that, too.

---in the mean time, it's beautiful music time again; here's the theme song of my high school mind