and poor color-coordination

channeling some Lennon x Ono vibe in this photo. ha.
hi.on December 27 i went out to UPLB with friend Ewica. she has found and job and had her salary and treated me to some food. it was not so fun for me because we didn't run (so i didn't have to brutally push her to win. which is basically my idea of fun) on the fields unlike the first time we went but that's alright because we ate good food anyways.
we also played Uno cards (just one round. it wasn't very much exciting to play with only one opponent. i already knew i'd win. ha ha jk) and fought beggar children who wanted to take away all our snacks. it didn't really have any effect on them when i said my father was a policeman! (they knew in my yellow malfunctioning eyes that i was lying). kids know everything, yes. i gave her some of my books as an exchange present for her food-share + a zine too.

there were some special christmassy large Hansel&Gretel-inspired decors there. it was not much impressive at all, tbh. it's more like a huge unfinished school project. but i took a photo anyway! for remembrance;
the photo in the middle is that of Ewica. and from there you can clearly see how better my shot is of hers than hers of mine. well, it's really ok and understandable since she was short and hardly has her arms capable of the angles i want to have a photo of! :)
what i would like to say about these giant cardboard houses is that the colours and styling is pretty much typical/cliche. these silly typical uncreative choices is what makes christmas somewhat cornier than how it already is. i mean, why not use pastel colours, eh? pastel colours are good! they could give life to at least some little spots in this either damp or drying country of ours!

a visual representation of what i am trying to say;
sources; photo 1, 2, 3, and 4 is a screencap from Trainspotting
another favourite christmas-themed artsy visuals is this one image from IdKids' site, that which is also a good source for design inspirations + creativity fuel;
"v. slightly eerie christmas cheer from the idkids hq"
there was also this prim architecture whose nice-ness made up for the shitty Hansel & Gretel fake homes! we should srsly make christmas decors more minimal!
i want to live here.
idk the story behind this square hole. it might have been a swimming pool whose water's been drained off. i have no idea and i do not really have much interest in knowing. i prefer inventing my own histories about things! :)

here's a zine and a little bookmark/card! my present for Ewica. the zine consists a couple of pages with some kind of short subtle story inside about a girl who is in love with a boy who's already in a relationship with some other girl. the title is, of course, from Video Games. it's unfortunate i didn't get to scan it's insides. while she was reading it i played some songs by Bread, like Diary and Make It With You. i swear darling Ews was almost on the verge of crying! ha! Signor Shin sure knows how to touch people's hearts!!! ;D 

whatever else i have to say i already forgot!
this post is actually supposed to appear on December 27 evening but Blogger suddenly launched it's full-time let's-not-allow-Shin-to-post-anything operation so here i am! it is January 16! :)
i can not decide yet whether to also post about the stuff that has occurred since the New Year! (hint: there's plenty of funs plus so much stress!)

i am excited to hang around places with Ewica again because we're gonna have another exchange-presents thing! (involving a painting and spikes&studs and $$$)
PS: the post title refers to my outfit. we were treading the UPLB streets and Ews was like, "people are looking at us!" because duh. colours. right.


and unsaid stuff

wow. i have put off blogging for a long time now! when was my last post? last July . . .?
i'm sorry (not sorry) for not writing anything for such a long time. i just kind of did not feel like it. i mean my heart is really eager in trying (i have like twelve drafts for a comeback entry since August) but my mind just doesn't have a single sentence to say, except probably "don't you dare pee on my pillow" which makes no sense at all. and i might also be lying rn since i tweet a lot.
another thing keeping me from posting back here is that it feels like there's so much i have to catch you up on.a couple of stuff happened. for instance we had a play, i had a new phone, etc.etc. speaking of which i now have an instagram, like every other stuck-up kid filtering their lives to the limit of cheesy almost-unreal-ness.
here is a little sighting of my *insert sparkles here*INSTAGRAM*insert even more sparkles*, as seen on a computer (which i still have not finished my thesis in. i've been struggling for more than a year now ok)
(click photos to enlarge)

yes i have been doing some shitty digital art at the moment. it's all a bit dumb and i hate myself for spending 23 of my 24 hours each day holding my phone instead of drawing/writing on paper and trying to improve myself as a person.
i am naming all these faces i draw, though! this one is called Haydn. though honestly i prefer Vladimir (another drawing) more. he is refined. i kind of think of these doodled guys as my friends since i am all alone and sad and solitary since school ended. kind of for the last time, guys. my internship as teacher will start this January. twenty-fucking-fourteen oh god.
some other stuff i should probably talk about includes;

the PLAY! our play! Medea! i played the role of guy-with-no-balls leading man Greek heartthrob named Jason! (PS i kind of blurred the faces of the people who annoy me. just a little, though. i mean, you can still figure out who they are, eh. . .? no? ok)
cast & crew. i won't mention i'm the only male (lol but didn't i just.) because i never think much of any person's gender anyway. it's irrelevant to life.
i suggested the ~Chorus` to wear/make flower crowns! i learned that much from Rookie.
+ obvsly didn't miss the opportunity to wear it. ha. also, my left eye is kind of sadder than the right. i notice it on pictures in which i am sleepy. which is always.
and this one was after the play. i look like am in a cutesy McDonalds commercial.
another thing that ~***HAPPENED***~ was the game i joined in on CTE Week. it was a crazy Hunger Games-ish kind of game which was not supposed to be violent and deadly but i made it so anyway. god i was popular! everyone was cheering for me, even the members of the four other teams! (because who doesn't like violence, eh?) it sucks cause i didn't win. and everyone was sad when i was out (because who doesn't like violent people, eh?).
Kath (rightmost pretty woman) also played the game. it's so annoying because i got out before her. and we were actually planning to win it together UGH!
for our CTE Week we also had a tree-planting day in which we (surprise!) planted trees. we went to Caliraya and it was beautiful there. some insane Moonrise Kingdom vibe was been going on! it was crazy beautiful.

also, Dylan my adorable evil angel nephew lived here at home for some time as his little christmas vacation or something. he is really cute especially when smiling. but hates it when i try to hug him. quite understandable, yes.
alright, so this is not a very cute photo. i do take lots of photos of him but he moves too much. it's all just a blur.
being possessed like WUT
and for the first day of our Sports Fest there was a parade. each class had to choose a pair who would wear some ridiculous themed costume (aka advanced halloween). it's quite sad that these are the only photos i can find at the moment;
i'm a cowboy from hell and i have no idea what i'm pointing at.
there are probably plenty other things i forgot to write, but let that be all for now. ha ha.
(this blog entry took me very long to do!)
to be honest i am not sure if i would be back to updating regularly or whatever. and to be honest i don't think anyone cares all that much, i'm not even sure there's be at least one person who would read this. but anyway!

to end this shit here's a little video of my journal/diary which i used as a substitute for this blog! :)

goodbye for now ~


and thrift store + teaching strategies

Whatsup, lambs of god? :)

i just got home right now from LB because i wanted to buy secondhand shirts from the thrift store, and that i did. my feet are still wet from the infantile flood i crawled into in the gasoline station, looking for a ride home.
i am very disappointed because the ones i really liked are too small for me. most of the shirts there were like, with jersey numbers on the back, and the school font or whatever in the front. basically the type elementary school kids wear there in America after school, for their, like, varsity extracurricular sports shit. i am not very sure, but it's probably something like that. i just really want to wear clothing with stories in it i mean i can almost feel the personalities of the boys (or girls too?) who owned those particular treasures before. besides, i've never been sportsy, so i think having such inappropriate clothing is sublimely great indeed. i think it's cool! and it will make me feel younger and adorable. ahaha.
i didn't buy this one. although last week, when i first visited that store and cried because i have no money, this was the one i really wanted to get. today i thought it was too big for me, so i didn't take it. PS please don't tell me now that this actually fits me well because i am going to regret my decisions again :'(
this is the one i got! :) i removed my pimples in this pic basically by brightening the photo to about 250 °C
what do you think?
i don't exactly promote laziness as something cute or clever, but i found this one very interesting. i didn't get to buy it too. too small. i am not exactly interested to have my nipples embossed when wearing a shirt.
there's quite a disease among us in the classroom; me and my peers; feeling old and pressured, being a student-teacher and all. some are becoming Empire Ants already, only living for matters of consequences and such.. trying to follow a strict pre-programmed schedule of how their live should go.and i would hate to be that way too.  i don't want to lose who originally Shin is. i don't want to live everyday only struggling to make ends meet and not feel alive anymore. guh. i am not even after people to think i am a mature, firm-principled guy because that is not me. even to the high school students i handle, i try to still exhale this aura of being "one-of-them", but still "above" them, cause i am smarter anyways. 
if you don't get this academic state we are going through, it goes like this; we are in Senior year now, for the first semester, (june to October), we shall be doing class observations and management (includes actual TEACHING ahhh~ <3) every morning for three hours each. some of them, especially the not-very-confident ones, try to replace their lack of knowledge with fake strictness and stuff. i think that's an intelligent approach, especially if the pupils are evil (they could really be EVIL, tbh. ask anyone.) but i believe that learning is easier and more acquire-able everyone is comfortable and just having fun. no need to be uptight, at least in my case. i am straightforward and nonchalantly hostile already. so there's no need for further shits. we are also required to finish our thesis immediately and add ridiculousy senseless projects to all that hardhip and you have an idea how are lives are now like. but not me. not much. i am idle as god here.
ha ha. i have no idea why i inserted this here. i think this photo is incredibly cute and erotic. i made a 12" x 18: painting based on this. haha. look forward to that in my tumblr!
i want to be the kind of teacher who is just "real" to students but still maintaining professionalism, and kindness, and personality. as far as i am concerned with how i want to be to kids, i will just be the teacher i always wanted to have, and avoid being all the professors i hated. and be the kind of person students wouldn't mind seeing on a daily basis.
i co-teach at a public high school a biking distance away from home (still, i don't bike. still weighing the conveniences and inconveniences of doing so) and i swear the students there are epic. that school, like, generally, is the last resort of all teenagers here in Bay, Laguna, most of those who enroll there are the ones who are poor and literally had "no other choice", so yeah. expect boys bringing drugs (and there was a dead condom on the bathroom floor!) (which i almost brought home to paste in my journal! ahahaha jk) and girls getting pregnant, with each class section having two big-bellied representatives. it's also so funny because there are many girls who has sort of the same face!
it looks kinda like this, please excuse my very wonderful MS Paint illustration. i am obviously the next Picasso.
just imagine a ponytail there on the back and skin colour which suggest too much time outside last summer.
but yeah, thing is, contrary to popular belief, the kids are ok in class. even the bad boys, i was definitely avoiding having this "better-than-you" approach to them because that may lead to me going back home with a broken leg, and hopefully they are eager to hear more from me as their teacher.
so far i am having fun with all this seemingly a game of teacher-role-playing. my methods are not proven to be effective yet. some may disagree with it but until results come up, i'm just gonna continue being an absolute "kind bishou sensei" to the students. 
hope they get to learn something. i'll be along them (three classes, same subject) until September.
meanwhile, here is the current state of my worktable, which i never work on because i do everything in my bed. ahaha.
semi-colour-coordinated chaos.
i think i have to go for now. 
goobye and thank you for reading this :) you don't rlly ever have to! ha ha.


and why any person should never be blamed for bad things done to him/her

i just want to tell about something i noticed today. it's quite horrible, so you may not want to proceed reading any further.
today the teacher discussed Republic Acts (or laws, i think. is that a synonym for it?) regarding sexual harassments and the sexual abuses, offenses, etc that occur between teachers and students. i learned there that even mere, reckless touching (a pat, if you may.) or a one-second glance with semi-narrowed  (misty)eyes if reported may lead to exaggerated  accusations against a teacher. but i am not complaining about that. i completely understand the point of it.
the lecture was followed by an activity in which we would have to make a slogan/poster to promote fight against sexual abuse or at least warn people not to do it.
i am very much annoyed with the narrow moral  perspective most of my classmates had given upon the matter.
 most of them (being young women themselves) made signs and shits telling a woman not to wear mini-skirts, avoid being/looking slutty, telling them to behave nicely, etcetera. and i think that's bullshit.
i can't believe these people (ESPECIALLY THESE WOMEN. ACTUAL WOMEN WHO ALSO ARE LIKELY TO BE VICTIMIZED SEXUALLY) attack on women's behavior regarding the disgusting actions of harassment and such. i mean why is it the fault of women that they could be mistreated/disrespected? shouldn't it be sexist perverted men who should be preached about this? doesn't everyone have the right to be respected, regardless of what they wear, do, and act?
in other words, this;
photo source
and this
this is not me, btw.
photo source.
a cruel, bastardly act committed to a woman is never be a woman's fault. if she didn't invite a lewd action verbally, then she probably doesn't want it and should never be accused of otherwise. i can't believe people at this time and age still see things that way.
it's all too fucking absurd.
i am not exactly what one would call a "feminist" (i am not even sure if any man could ever considered be "feminist") but thing is,  i know what's more proper and humanly. people should stop having these rules about what a man should be or what a woman should be because in the end, people are people regardless of whatever and being harmful to others should be avoided, as much as possible.


and lavenders~

hello, fans of the church! :) how are you all doing?
i really have put off blogging these past weeks, no? i actually find it very funny because the ultimate motivation in writing this entry was a compliment said to me a while ago. it's kind of stupid to be overly lazy about something for a period of time and only get excited with it again because of praises from others. that's the same case on my painting, too. i rarely do it anymore, tbh. i am not saying that i am compliment-hungry (like the people who post rather uninteresting Work-in-progress "artsy" shots everyday in Facebook. like ugh, why be so conceited? and fake-humble?) or whatever .it's more because of trying to focus on reading and writing these past few days. and concentrating a ~small~ fraction of my mind for school, too.

new painting inspired by feelings about what's written below! :) readreadread
well, how can i summarize this past week and the one before that?
but it's something, definitely. like yesterday, my angsty fag classmate got very mad at me because of some stupid remark i said, which was not even addressed to him (because i never talked to him anyways and doesn't give a shit about his whole existence)! he happened to take it by heart, or probably not very, too. all i know is that he hated me right from the first time we met and although there were rare times when we were "friends" ("friendship" included sending LPs of mainstream pop singers to each other), he just really hates me. that is the bottomline of it. i was also mad at him for being such an  unreasonably furious faggot and was on the verge of punching the hater out of him but i didn't want to make a scene, and i actually want to graduate and not get expelled because of some insecure shithead, so yeah. i am a peacemaker anyways. i just hope he's totally over it by Monday because i really wouldn't mind taking some action to make him calm down. i am not afraid of anyone. to be honest. and, i genuinely think there'd really be this point in which we would just have to fight to finally let go of whatever. it would be good for both of us, getting wounds and all. (but i don't want to touch him, now that i think of it. what a gross person. UGH.) he's very lucky that i didn't hit him, if you want to know the truth. it probably isn't evident but i am actually a good fighter.anyways,  this whole paragraph is bullshit.

in other news, i am now wearing the lavender uniform which is for Senior students! i only have one as of now and mum kindly laundries it every night and i have to kindly smile at people who mockingly call me "Professor" although it's not even a witty thing to say anymore. like, whatever. just leave me alone already.
i had to put a 2D mask on my classmates' faces because i don't think they want to be seen in my blog anyways.
and then i removed the masks to unveil Claud's pretty face and Bona's comedic face lol jk Bona is a funny closet-slut, tbh.
so um what do you think of me in this uniform? do you think young-achiever beau Professor Shin Oderschvank is worth the love of  teen, post-pubescent talcum-scented darling high school gurls now? <3 <3 <3 ayayay.
well not to brag or anything, but the Junior college class i have handled now call me their "favourite" and like me as their teacher. because the whole lecture-time becomes a little free-for-all storytime whatsoever. however, one student LOATHED me like fuck, because, i am "offensive" at some point (that point = always) and it actually made me feel bad last weekend. but i realize now it's still ok. at least it isn't me hating on myself like usual. what an improvement!

this is the book i am reading lately. biography of Sylvia Plath, it is the first time i used  pencil to underline parts i find interesting,  and add my own footnotes. some people would go against that but idk, i feel like an intelligent comprehensive reader, writing little notes! *u*
here's how i look like tonight. loljk. that's Rod Serling. creator and main author, narrator, sexy introductor of The Twilight Zone, more known to me as the best TV show ever.
there have been many seasons (and terrible post-70s remakes) but the original episodes can be found on vimeo. i wish i could tell what's it about but it's all just crazy and psycho-horrific and there's a different theme/plot in each episode, with its own respective heartbreaking twists in the end. some of my favourites are;
Eye of the Beholder
Monsters are Due on Maple Street
Walking Distance
the pilot episode:: Where Is Everybody
basically Rod Serling is my new style icon in terms of creativity in writing and overall sex appeal.
random filler. just if you're wondering if i still draw! :D
back to a school news, there are some koreans sent to our school for an English-language-learning course, we as the English majors have met them and i got to be friends with some. especially a very pretty 24-year-old! who looks twelve! who looks even cuter when smiling! ohmygod i'm blushing! i will write about her that stuff, when we get to have a picture together.

for now, that's all.

PS it's the birthday of someone special.


and some matters about the "self".

as i have said before, i am very much keeping certain matters to myself that would probably make me feel lighter if i  let out here. but i feel it is now isn't the time for it yet. it may always seem like i am the kind of person who wants to let out my miseries to everyone but that is not exactly how it works. my twitter is a place for both arbitrary and constant feelings wailing to be addressed, but still, i don't want (me and anyone-) to think that i am a reckless driver of words i itch to scream off. i acknowledge the fine line between the act of expressing emotions for one's own comfort and the consideration of the reader's consumption of the thoughts of people they follow or befriend online.

i might carelessly talk about the things that bother me (there's not a great number of it anyways) some time soon, when i do not cling to the concept of psychic distance during these blogging-times. i sometimes feel drained too, as though i have no more water inside me to pour out. in front of my diary i could be a faucet twisted open to its limit, with no liquids coming out, just making strange sounds from echoes of pipes as its intestines. maybe its because i am a person of many ways to let out steam. i have three notebooks for my thoughts and ramblings, i have a scratch/trash-doodle pad, i have twitter, a facebook (where i usually post a long rant only to delete it after twenty seconds), this blog, and of course, there's painting..

being a rather unintelligent semi-creative diarist, i may appear to another person as an egoistic scum who thinks too much of one's self. maybe most of the time i really am that. but not always. not often. i like to think of my (inner) self as a garden, where i plant in only the nicest and wildest flowers i have, and i put the others out on a different yard (my notebooks). although i write my best flowers there, too. (this is actually tricky to explain)

i have this new tumblr blog where i post writings; short stories, etc. (which i won't link in here but would tell you the URL if you ask). i have shown it to a couple of friends, but i would much prefer if strangers read it and tell me their comments/opinions. it's just so annoying because people who know me read my shit and think only of my works as overly dramatic rants/diary entries that shouldn't be taken seriously. they don't see my attempts of writing styles and drama of it. they're just like; "wow, you're still very bitter about that." and when they're like that i feel very much obliged to punch them in the face. 


and his being one of the most unreliable bloggers on the planet.

the latter paragraphs of my previous blog entry was stupid because i said (hereby i quote;) 
"one thing i can talk about however is this little set of images i am gonna have for print this Thursday. it's all for my notebooks & journal. i did this instead of my massive pile of stupid homeworks and with brave ignorance of my growing collection of thesis-related MS Word documents."
so i said this ^ though i have actually forgot to post the image i meant to put up with it! lol i am an idiot.
it's this;
i want to use this to decorate the cover of my notebook in Creative Writing (as seen Here) but that particular notebook is passed on to the teacher's office, so i can't. my cover-designing life is SO exciting because  we had to buy this Field Study handbook and the teacher says we can make stuff for it's cover too! hurrah hurrah hurrah. the gods of collage are blessing me~
but regarding blog-matters i am in reality somehow miserable because i just discovered terrible typo errors in my old entries. my heart just breaks too badly when i notice them at a time when they already got more than three views (my maximum number of views, tbh. god i'm so popular ha ha)

meanwhile, here is a DOWNLOAD LINK to ADHD Magazine's fourth issue (themed; The Kids Know) where i am featured! click this, baby <3

last night i thought of how there are many going-pns in my life that i never get to write here. i have two reasons why it's so;
1) i don't want to tell everything.
like yeah, this surely is my online diary whatevs but i still want to keep some facts of my life to life itself, i mean, i don't want to be this kind of person whose blog everyone reads and will eventually learn everything about me from. some huge parts of my personality and daily behaviour/occurances are never described here. or not even in my handheld journal or anywhere. for instance my wild, reckless, uneducated approach to my teachers in which i interrupt them in midsentence to tell my jokes and  do this unrequited role-play dramas where i call them "mum" or "Lemuel" (my prof's actual name! ha ha) and say weird TV-cliche shit. also, i am student-teaching now and it's just really crazy and meta and i can't discipline my mouth half the time. such things (and others) are rather difficult to describe, so i leave them out of the drawn picture.
2) it's hard to write decently.
it is. being an English-major, the pressure of being coherent, cohesive, grammatically formal, etc, sometimes never leaves and it's jsut super-annoying. that's why if i want to do a little narrative of stuffthathappened i would rather do it by bullet-enumerations.

today (June 23) i went out in the afternoon (mainly for the sake of going out itself) and went to LB (it's a place) to buy a notebook because i am reading Pnin by Vladimir Nabokov and wanted to take down notes. i also want to look for underwear of this colour (is it turquoise or cyan? or aqua blue?) and buy dozens but i immediately forgot about it because i saw a pre-owned (pre-destroyed is more like it! ugh) copy of a biography of Sylvia Plath. and being my always oor apathetic self, i barely had any cash for more than one piece of desire.
book cover! i wish i have a tangible book isntead of a pathetic little ebook in my mobile :(
i kinda wish somebody would give me the briefs ofthat kind of shade, though. although it's quite embarrassing to receive such a present since giving presents of the clothing-category is more often than not followed by a "please wear it now! i want to see if it looks good on you!" --and i am not exactly looking forward to that. but still . . . idk. i want to hoarde neat and personal hygiene-related stuff because i might move out for a while from our house soon. i am not planning to run away, not this time, but there are reasons why i am likely to go. i can't tell about that yet either. ugh nevermind me.
no i am NOT fat. my jaws are just not well-crafted and tends to look like slime in this particular angle.