and self-pity

to be honest, i am not very interested to be alive right now.
there are things i am supposed to do but i'd rather sleep or listen to The Fool On The Hill, which describes me a lot. i always rarely feel bad for myself, but some nights i get to contemplate my life and it makes me so lonely. everybody loathes self-pitying and act as though it is disgusting, but in my opinion, everybody thinks they're pathetic, at least a little bit. it is not embarrassing. it is not bad (unlike what my ex thinks, and accuses me of) .believing in god doesn't change anything. you are not beautifully created and is not special. (fuck Facebook quotes). the only downside of self-pitying is that it does not do either bad or good. an emotional limbo. we're pretty flawed creatures.

Day after day,

Alone on a hill,

The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still

But nobody wants to know him,

They can see that he's just a fool,

And he never gives an answer,

Well on the way,

Head in a cloud,

The man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud

But nobody ever hears him,

or the sound he appears to make,

and he never seems to notice,

And nobody seems to like him,

they can tell what he wants to do,

and he never shows his feelings,

And he never listens to them,

He knows that they're the fools

They don't like him,

The fool on the hill

Sees the sun going down,

And the eyes in his head,

See the world spinning 'round.

a selca taken some weeks ago.