actual picture of me in terms with going back to school. uuugggghhh
i am somehow very excited to be back in school, for the last time! since i am a senior college student now.
i know~ i seem too young (but looks too old), but yeah. i am both sad and happy it will all be over. this feels like a great curtain of a stageplay in my life is closing.
i want to make the most of my last two semesters. i don't really have extracurricular school activities and not many friends, so idk what to do. all the magic i will try to absorb and exhale are probably intrinsic and pretensiously artful, which is okay.
now that i think of it, i won't actually be studying much anymore! i'm gonna be basically on observing-period, in which we come to different schools and learn hands-on teaching and stuff. we have to do thesis too. ahhh~ it's all boring to talk about.
here are photographs to influence my psyche and behavior, aesthetics, etc.
V I B E S :
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and being this ~professional teen blogger extraordinaire~ that i am, here are the
my heart died a little when i saw the date of the start of school this upcoming semester; June 3. basically three more forced slumbers from now. UGH.
i just can't believe it. i thought it would begin by 5 or even later.
well to be honest with myself, it's not like i'm buying time for something important going-ons anyway, i am severely bored here just sitting idly at home (but intelligently idle, at that. i am reading books or painting. ha ha.), still, it's just TOO EARLY for school! with this being my last year, 'cause i am going senior in university now, i should at least have time to, like, emotionally prepare/do a gameplan for this, right? come to think of it, i haven't even re-worked on my thesis yet! wah!
but it's not just the futures i am thinking about lately. it's this whole March to May series of weeks which is basically the span of my 2013 summer. it's all so crazy. like, if i tell you right now how it went, i'd say "nothing much", because yeah, nothing much really ever happened. at least not outside (mum says i gained weight though. hurrah). i learned a lot of shit aesthetically and in other intrinsic ways, after all i have seen plenty of good films and had been productive what with having journals and good paintings. i lost some friends too, which may just have been the saddest part of this all. also, i think i've become more in touch with nature. . .?
i am so torn between concluding that this had been a good or bad summer. there are points voting for both sides. and i can't exactly say that i'm in the precise middle of happy and sad either, because i have in my heart a plethora of both feelings.
i don't know.
in other news, here's a semi-accurate collage of my whole summer. aka the movies i watched. this is not all of them, tho.
movies included; Orphan,Perks Of Being a Wallflower, Moonrise Kingdom, Picnic At Hanging Rock, Dogtooth, Blue Velvet, Ghost World, Submarine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Whip It, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Virgin Suicides. movies i have seen this summer but i did not include (for spatial reasons): Bottle Rocket, The Basketball Diaries, Despicable Me, The Avengers, Help!, The Future, Harry Potter 7 part 2, Magic Mike, Blue Valentine, Lolita, Kids, Fantastic Mr. Fox, This Is England, etc. i'll try to remember the others later.
being the hearty pervert that i am, i want to greet you a good day with this GIF i found on tumblr. it's too cute to ignore and when i grow old looking back at this blog i may see this and think; *English accent:*"god was i really a badass young lad then, mate!" or whatever.
aww~~~ *u*
the following texts are transcribed from my journal for the date: May 27, 2013, which is basically the day i am writing this. the time is 2:51am. obviously the instances of which the matters i shall be talking about is that of the day before, which is 26. a Sunday. here we go;
whoa, this day had been like a dream, it ended up so well that i almost can't feel the heartaches i had a couple of hours ago (which i will not write even write about.) i woke up at noon as usual and then watched Bleach: Hell Verse movie and then a little of This Is England(am not finished with it yet, but i am planning to do an entire entry dedicated to that because of the screenshots i took). the outside setting was; raining a little. slightly windy and gloriously not hot. although we shouldn't bother much about the outside in this particular post because i never went outside anyways. after not finishing This Is England, i read a little of The Fault in Our Stars (i can't decide whether i like it or not! ahh~) and felt sleepy, so that i did. after my nap, which made everything feel more like a dream because that's the affect it usually gives anyway, i was about to continue with This Is England but mum reminded me (it was 8pm by then) of today being the championship match of the unemployed-men-of-the-town Basketball League Series i had been looking forward to every evening (like a faithful Primetime soap opera viewer, yeah.) in our uhh--shall i call this place village? so then i biked my way to the courts whilst listening to Blonde Redhead'sPenny Sparkle LP, which i am absolutely into right now.
the font is just too lovely~
my favourite track. right here ^
the game was tight! i wish i have been into sports since my childhood, so i could have reported about what occurred in an intelligent comprehensive way (also my body could have looked more appealing to girls my age and beyond. ugh.) anyways, each team (orange, being the team of bullies and green, somehow reminding me of Robin without the ever-loving Batman) both having a win from each other in previous matches already.
it was like, one team gets some points, and then the other would get a point back for their good, so it was--how do i call it--simultaneous shooting? team-after-team? (HOLY SHIT THIS IS WHAT I AM WORRYING ABOUT. SPORTSWRITING IS HARD) there had been same-score suspense instances a couple of times, until the last 30 seconds of the game! it was intense!
fortunately the green team won. the good has prevailed. i was very glad for them.
the very ~* magical *~ part of this whole game is when there was a quarter-break and the players were huddling and then suddenly, there was a black-out. absolute darkness in which everybody was like: (please play that two-second video below this! YOU HAVE TO!)
the full moon was the only bulb left on and it was pretty. it had been just bright enough to form silhouettes of the people around. kids got excited, ran around the court, imitating the sweaty men they have just seen struggling for one ball a few seconds ago. cynical adults started leaving. and those with cellphones lighted their paths and if you have imagination, you may assume that it looked very surreal. like in a vague dream, or The Further(hell, basically) in Insidious. it was such a charm, really. i dunno if anyone else found the whole scene appealing, but goodness, it was! i played Oblivion by Grimes in my earphones and that just changed everything. my perception of what was happening.
i imagined myself being the elf-like magenta-haired Grimes, dancing cherubly in the middle of all these people unaware of the underlying artful themes of their lives (please see that video above!). to be honest, i actually danced a little. i felt special, man! visually the whole area became an eye-levelled nightsky microcosm, due to it being plain and dark, with a few little cellphone lights strobing here and there. it was perfect, somehow. and i got home, but then Gasp texted me and offered to treat me to 7-Eleven a sundae. i rushed there immediately but there was no more sundae. (BECAUSE! it was past-midnight already! no more Sundaes because it is Monday already! haha! pls laugh.) kindly enough, since i offered to come with her back to her house, she bought me blueberry-flavoured Slurpee instead, which resembled seafoam. how beautiful.
if i ever become a musician, this would be the album cover. ah~
her dadwhich scared me a lot at first, but now i feel comfortable enough around him to call him his nickname (i think we're already friends. it's hard to say. ugh. adults, right.) was there but left us two crazy idiots, eventually. and essentially too, i guess. we watched Machete in Star Movies (they have cable) which is a film i enjoy heartfully and i doodled on her bedroom wall. other significant matters of Gasp's humble abode include 1) creepy child saint life-sized figure and 2) ugly BIG dalmatian rats. totally freaked me out. it was really fun and i stayed there until, like, 2am.
i was thrilled to wear my jacket because i thought this tarpaulin cut-out made me cool, but Gasp just told me i looked stupid. well fuck you, bitch. your camera has a time stamp. lol how fucking obnoxious.
i feel like this day (May 26 crossing to 27) may just be the most important, climatic, highlight day of my 2013 summer.
this drawing is made for a comic book i tried to do.
today i biked a long unfamiliar route. i am not sure with directions, but say, the path i usually take during my everyday cycling is North, then this time i went all down South, (and then turned right, which is, like, West? no, wait, i think i turned left! . . . ?) the point is, i had some fun and saw the sea. first thing that came to mind was; it is flat. (not a very intelligent adjective, i know. sorry.) and i noticed how people basically treat the whole immense blue body of water as their trash can. how punishable. ugh. ~ and then on the way back, like a painful my-life-is-a-coming-of-age-film-type of plot twist, the front tire of my bike went flat! first i thought i'm suddenly riding through seafoam glaciers, but hence i am on a concrete street soil,so yeah. IT GOT FLAT! eventually i had to walk the following ways through and there was this woman who saw me and was like: "got tired of biking?" and i'm like "ahaha *fake cutesy eye-smile* no, damn bike got flat." and she was like: "oh, ok". as if getting a tire punctured by a fucking lone thumb tack is the most amusing shrugg-worthy thing ever. (it is NOT.)
well the lesson of this all, is: there is no lesson.
(irrelevant bit of information; i was listening to Elvis Depressedly's LP at that time.)
me yesterday. photographed by 4-year-old niece. behold my fabulous chicken legs. i kind of want to have this 'cool bastard drunken old sexy guy' image in the of eyes of my nephews and nieces, since i am the youngest of us siblings and i think that's just appropriate. (or not.) idk.
i guess the ultimate flaw of this post (and my life, collectively) is that i don't have a photograph of this bicycle am using yet. it is quite embarrassing, tbh (actually the bike is behind me in that photo above!). well i'm not exactly the shoot-what-you-will-later--blog-about type of person anyway. i just do what i do :) (and i have no decent camera) (and i roll like a rolling stone.)
i'd like to include this here because it is a commissioned portrait (i am not paid again, as usual) for inkarlcerating who apparently gifted this to his boyfriend (i have no idea how, since the actual painting is here with me. maybe he made a print . . ?)
in other ~life` news, i am considering deleting all my mobile web browsers (means i can't go to any site anymore using my phone. which is basically all i have). i can't fully decide yet, since i am always 50% checking my accounts for notifications every five minutes, and 50% hating myself for the other fifty percent. ugh. i am the worst at decision-making. i regret things either way.
this is all i have for you for now,
see you later!
(PS, i have some new doodle uploads in my tumblr.)
(THANK YOU for people who go to this blog! i can't believe how i am still getting pageviews. got 62 yesterday and 30 today. just--- - - HOW? and who are you people? is my mum viewing this blog? anyway thanks.)
hi.
i went to school today to get a copy of my grades and luckily have succeeded on doing so. my marks are notably high (impressive!) especially considering my tardiness when it comes to anything academic.
this is how i looked. am still highly obsessed with Moonrise Kingdom especially the lonesome boy scout extraordinaire that is Sam Shakusky, so today i tried to be like him again. (the pioneer attempt was a couple of days ago, as seen in another unfortunate blog entry). this photograph i taken by my mum, hence the careless blurry shot. and the horrible angle proportions of my whole body. ugh. it just feels so wrong -_-
and here is a collage/playlist i made for this story i have in mind about me being aa boy scout on a long errand with other campers. the circumstance involves: meeting a turtle, trying to make fire, being bullied by other scouts, losing important badges, saying sorry, contemplating about the future, seeing a plane crash, chasing deers, etc. high socks are an essential mind-factor, too ::
hello, teeths!
the time now is 12:31 am. all good children should be already asleep at this moment but i am not good and definitely not a kid, so here i am.
there are just some *important matters* that are bugging me at the moment, including the fact that there are only about twenty-five (25) days left until school returns (summer is ending! no more painfully boring afternoons! *panic*) and i want to make the most of the remaining time in a very ironic way in which i try to not make the most of it; to perceive all the mundane facts in an artistic, curious eye.
this matter is somehow wrapped around the idea of "vibes" which Tavi Gevinson did in a particular blog entry. "VIBES", as she explained (hereby i quote:)
". . .are the things that determine how I dress and take photos and maybe even act (which is probably not very healthy) according to the season. I don't know why it matters so much to me, I think because I get really nostalgic, and it's nice to have memories that feel like perfectly composed photographs. . .also when all the sounds and smells and looks of things fit together nicely it feels like synesthesia and I feel more alive and everything feels special. . ."
there!
very well-executed! :)
(Tavi means SO MUCH to me. i even dreamed of her a week ago. she had braces in the dream and a garage sale of cool stuff)
so here goes my late summer vibes, mainly influenced by the following items:
German film Dogtooth.
do you see what i am trying to come across here?
i appreciate the movie so much (not sure if 'love' is an appropriate term) but that film is just very wonderful, really. and i want to wear white and be ' dangerously unaware' or 'very innocent' or 'pale and pure' from this day onwards. that's how it goes!
i also thought of how i may wear my school uniform as ordinary clothing now since we have to buy a new set for my senior year (wherein i will finally do practice-teaching, lesson plans, etc.)
this would be an accurate song for the white-spark-summer mentality i am going for:
claimer: of course, there are many other films whose influence in my life is strongand affective! as paranoidly elaborated in one of my older blog entries! (which reminds me of thinking that maybe this whole post might be just an aftermath of my visual exploration of this 'silent avant-garde' sub-genre theory in another old post? click this sentence to see it! THAT IS IMPORTANT. there are lots of nice photos.) ----
here are other 'vibe' supplements (i suddenly realized how Dogtooth is almost the only actual point of this post)
we all know there has to be The Virgin Suicides photographs in here.
i also badly want to have sex, tbh.
one of the most beautiful photographs ever (and i am sure the actual--uhmm----pair? is super beautiful too). if you are offended by this it's either because you're so sad you can't have it near you or you are a ~baby~. eek. i love this. don't hate me. this is beautiful *blushing* *no, really, i am blushing right now*
