and life

hi. i am interrupting myself from watching The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (awesome film by Wes Anderson) to deliver you this blog entry that might just probably be the most important article to be found in this little public journal of mine. i don't know how to say this in a non-corny non-Bill Murray-ish way (but hey Bill Murray is kinda cute for a guy who does wife-violence!) so here it goes, straight from my meta-heart: "i think i am finally starting to live my life". by that i mean, like, seeing things in accordance to how i want them, being fully aware of the goodness and evil of humanity and the planet, learning the principles of accepting and refusing, and other stuff like that which usually comes by the end of a good film with city-street life-contemplation scenes (i'm talking Lost in Translation by Sofia Coppola).
the key instrument for this idealistic change in my perceptions are the films i watched, as discussed more elaborately in my previous journal post. they really helped me see life. or rather, taught me how to look at life. i am not always positive now, i am not thinking this "God has plans for me" bullshit that usually comes along after realizing life is one whimsically executed art masterpiece. because God has no plans for me. the only person who has a plan for me is myself. even if this apparent mediocre over-used concept called God has "plans" for you, if you don't really do anything, then it might as well be considered as default, right? so there.
the other key instrument that helped me start over (at least emotionally and philosophically) (and financially! cause i am broke as my dead grandma's purse) is that beautiful blog post Tavi Gevinson had written about sacred geometries and stuff. i just want to aesthetically archive my good memories too.

to start off with all these, last night i wrote a list in my new journal (see photo above) about great things that i have experienced. they're not exactly "great" in terms of, say, winning a ticket to Hong Kong Disneyland or finding a golden ticket in a box of purple Nerds. i mean simple scenarios i have been in that are seemingly magical, in their own quiet kind of way. one thing i also have planned in mind now is to disconnect myself a bit from the internet and to live this very quiet life with privacy in manner of The Beatles or Drew Barrymore going to ashrams in India. so for that matter i will only post here a few stuff i listed down on what i have called my "Memory Plane" (note: i suggest you to do something like this too!)
going to 7-11 with mum at midnight (3. 2013) (three means 'March'. in accordance to calendar)
• reading Tiny Monsters (book of photos of kids in Halloween costumes) in the kitchen while drinking coffee. in midnight, too. (2012)
climbing rooftop by ladder and star-gazing for a bit. being super-afraid because fear of heights, duh. (i felt like Kyle McLachlan in Blue Velvet) (3. 2013)
riding elevators in hospital
pre-dinner in mall eating french fries & shrimp balls with Gasp (2.2013)
walking with cousin Loops with umbrella on a rainy day (2008)
evening travel to Nagcarlan in car of Tito Jimmy with two cousins (11.2008)
father taking face-profile photo of me on his SLR camera on a christmas morning (12.1998)
playing word-pun-games with The Heiress film crew while waiting for jeep to Magdalena (10.2012)
sky-gazing with Bun-bun during night of camp. inventing constellations (3.2012)
being best dodgeball player during one recess time back in grade 3 (2004)
standing up at the back of speeding pick-up car with mum tugging at my shirt because 'unsafe'. in manner of Emma Watson in Perks. (3.2013)
love-of-my-life touching my hair/face/lip/hands/etc during vacant periods (2011)
field trip to fishy aquariums in Coastal Mall when in grade 3. (2004)

that's some of what i've written! i can never be sure about the dates. some of them may be incorrect, but that's not exactly the point of it. it's not about how precise or clear the memories are. they happened. to me. and that's what matters. well in fact it's not even about if it happened directly to me or to you (if you write your own memory plane), as long as it makes you happy and grateful of life, then it's alright.

i am starting to re-evaluate things and be kind to myself and my times. i want to enjoy everything.

today, for instance, i biked around town and was surprised because there were many beautiful stuff around the neighborhood that i never took notice of before! the shrubs with flowers, fences, lonely pretty houses, etc. it somehow resembles a suburb! and more precisely, Lumbertown, the location of the movie in Blue Velvet directed by David Lynch! i am very much amused!
from Blue Velvet
excerpt from our neighborhood. taken yesterday.
neigborhood 2
so i guess i really am maturing, no? don't get me wrong, i am still Shin Oderschvank the hilarious disgusting friend anyone would have. i will always seem child-like, and that could just be the best thing i am grateful for about myself. i will never stop believing that mermaids exist, i will always be in awe when looking at the sky, i will always want to go to Disneyland and i wouldn't mind watching Pinocchio. i know things will still suck sometimes and i would have to attempt suicide at certain points because that's part of life. but i am still happy. it is great to be alive.

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